Recent forum posts (all topics)

I have been researching for over a year now the "  why " that is behind my shutting down towards my husband and marriage  .  Taking the shame and blame for over 35 years, of course , I still thought the problem was with me. Then a copy of Melissa's book came my way , and , BAM !  I'm sure you have all heard this thousands of times , but , it described my life and feelings to the letter . Imagine my relief ! I wanted to scream it from the roof tops ! I'm not crazy !! There is actually  a reason behind all of our heartache !!!

I’ve been married to my husband nearly 6 years.  He has ADHD and I’m really at my wit’s end.  We have 2 children but it feels like I’m raising 3 children.  The worst part is, my eldest has ADHD as well.

I can’t stand it anymore.  He keeps threatening to leave whenever we have an argument.  He really believes it’s over and constantly gives me that “talk”.  Which is his talk about him leaving.  I tell him he’s free to go but he never leaves. 

So, I won't go into great detail, but my situation is that I just met with an attorney to file for a separation from my ADHD spouse of 12 years (who also has a host of other mental health issues and has been verbally and emotionally abusive for years). We have two elementary school aged children and all still live under the same roof. Here is my issue. He is very, very angry with me (even though I warned him and gave him ample opportunity to seek counseling and get help) and is acting like a complete jerk.

A brief story. My husband just moved here from another country. We have been together a total of almost 3 years.  I feel he is missing his country, his family, his son and friends.  However, we have always had a problem in solving the problems we have. It started with infedility on his part, which he admitted to me when we were in a long distance relationship.  I always felt that i couldnt trust him.

Imagine being made to feel crazy for over 30 years.  Imagine being angry and resentful and blaming yourself and being ashamed and guilty because you are angry and confused.  Imagine you are a person who MUST feel love inside yourself or go nuts!  Imagine you spread your love around your kids, your home, your neighborhood, your work and your husband.  Imagine doing it over and over and over.  Imagine your husband of over 30 years says to you, "What did you EVER do for me?

So, we had that conversation I was planning on...  Nothing definite decided yet, except that she wants a divorce ASAP (she wants to file as early as next week), she's planning on moving out (but she hopes to stay until next summer, so she can buy some furniture and save up for a down payment on a townhome or a security deposit for an apartment), and both of us want what's best for the kids.

I am diagnosed ADHD. My husband is undiagnosed ADHD. Our daughter, who is now turning 6, is most likely ADHD. My first obstacle is getting them diagnosed. I was fortunate to be diagnosed quite a while back when I was 17. My husband is willing to get the assessment and treatment, but the problem is finding someone who doesn't cost an arm and a leg. We have insurance, but a lot of psychologists don't take insurance; at least not for this. My first goal is to get him on medication, just to stop the bleeding. After that, we can focus on the next step.

So, there are a lot of posts in this area from a lot of really frustrated people (including me). 

Background: I've been with my ADD partner for about 18 months. We've lived together since day one as we were housemates before we were a couple. He hasn't been formally diagnose with ADD although he has finally made an appointment with a doctor and is waiting for a referral - I don't think either of us is in any doubt that he does have ADD.

 J.D.: "Well, if you don't mind me sayin so, he sounds like a real asshole."

THELMA: "It's okay. He is an asshole. Most of the time I just let it slide."