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I'm writing here before I go to bed. I'm alone in my home with my two kids as five weeks ago my husband with ADHD, medicated with adderall extended release told me that he finally "understood" what I had been saying for years and that we are incompatible and fight too much. I HAVE said that I'm going to leave on innumerable occasions IF things did not change (I always found that I could get him to hyperfocus on saving our marriage/relationship if I got REALLY angry with him, which is to say *threatened* him with divorce).

Is there any way to differentiate between passive aggressive behavior and ADD for those of us who have spouses who will absolutely not get tested?  Could ADD present itself as Passive Aggressive Behavior?

Wiki definition: Passive aggressive behavior can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, hostility masquerading as jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

So I had a bad day kindof  with dizzy spells and contractions, to the point I had to have hubby pick me up, couldn't even drive home safely.  Once home I quickly prepare some dinner and get my daughter ready for bed.  Meanwhile Tim says he needs to run out to a store real quick and he'll be home for dinner.  1 hour, 2 hours pass me and munchkin eat and are in bed.  He calls to say he's now over a friends house and will be home shortly.  I"m thinking whatever, coz I know the drill... giving times and intentions is pointless, he'll be home when he gets home.

I only recently had the epiphany(thanks to this site and some others)  that all my husband's bizarre ways of thinking and doing things are down to his ADD.  He always said he had a little ADD-- but I did not understand Adult ADD well enough to realize the profound effect it can have on interpersonal relationships.

I have talked him into getting evaluated and hopefully treated. (He doesn't think the ADD is a big deal).

im involved with a younger guy who is mellow, non hyper but also very ADD. he's told me he's add and it shows very clearly in his inabilty to read social cues, subtlies in verbal exchange or anything that isnt very clear, simple, black and white. he misinterprets information alot and he often doesnt provide the base information to me so i know whats going on in his heart or inside of him. he gets into work projects and will miss a date, not call, not even register that he had plans with me. he will make plans, then leave me in the middle of them becasue he committed to helping someone.

Hi there,

My husband is quite certain he has ADD. His family physician is quite certain as well. And I am absolutely certain!

My husband considers going through the diagnosis process and beginning treatment but then does not. I am not completely sure why. I believe it is a mix of feeling like he knows already so why bother, and maybe some fear about losing the good parts of the ADD if he takes medication. 

Is it me or do others see a common similarity that those with ADD seem to use humor more often than non ADDers?  My DH uses humor and prides himself on his humor and "personality".  I don't find him humorous anymore because of all the disappointing and crazy-making stuff he does and doesn't do. I don't feel safe to be care-free and jokey when I am with him. I used to be very funny and witty myself. I miss that person I was.  I don't like the person who I have become.  Anyway, I am going to try to be extremely funny this week.  Just enjoy myself.  See what happens.

I joined last night and have been reading soooo many posts and blogs.  I see clear areas where I can improve in relating to my husband, like validating him and staying calm and being understanding.  The problem I'm having is that I have so much residual anger and impatience and frustration with his behavior that I am finding it an uphill battle to reign in the irritated speech and overall disgust that I feel is spilling out from the moment he walks into the room. 

Hi everyone,

I've been struggling for years with my husband's constant criticism. I'm wondering if it's related to his ADHD.

I posted earlier today describing my husband (http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/i-hope-hell-agree-take-meds)