Recent forum posts (all topics)

So, it occurs to me that my communication style is to ask lots of questions.  I do that for a couple of reasons, the two primary ones being:

1.  As an introvert, I tend to ask more questions, and so talk less, and listen more.

2.  As someone in the helping profession, my training has been to practice "active" listening, which includes asking "clarifying questions" in order to make sure I understand what the other is saying and/or feeling.

I fell like it is so hard to have even the simplest conversations with my wife, and it has become so frustrating. 

An example from last night:

Me, as we are about to watch a recorded TV show:  One more show and then bed?

Her, referring to the fact that it's a little earlier than our usual bedtime:  Oh good.  I can go in early tomorrow.

Me, wondering what time she will be getting up in the morning:  Oh, what time do you need to leave?

Her:  I don't need to leave at any time.

I experienced a lack of climax during most of my marriage.  I had a difficult time tuning out the romantic music that my wife would put on before love making.  I did not understand that it was ADD, since I did not get my dx until after our divorce.  Physical intimacy and love were two separate entities inside of my head.  Do any other men share this experience?

Non-ADD spouse here.  I'm out of ideas on how to communicate.  I'm rather frustrated at the moment.  I'm stuck without a way to effectively express any needs or complaints.  My attempts fail in two ways.

My polite, earnest, repeated, gentle, feeble, whatever, attempts don't get any results.  I then have to decide if it is important enough to escalate.  I have to give up minor requests or bottle up minor complaints - which would be tolerable if they weren't so many or they didn't remain indefinitely.  That gets old.

My husband and I have been struggling with his ADD (no H) for years. He's gotten on meds and then he was at least willing to be employed. But I still feel like an afterthought in his life. He does nothing in the house. As I write this (3 on a Sunday afternoon) he's asleep. I am very frustrated. All of you know this story.

Well I don't know where to begin. I've been married 32 years and only very recently learned enough about ADD & ADHD to think maybe my husband has this. I mentioned some things I'd learned about it to him in passing once and he said oh yeah, that's what it's like. I didn't think much more about it until I heard Melissa on TV this week promoting her book. So I thought I would look into this a little more because it sounded like us. I found this site today and have been reading and OMG this IS us.

Being new to this site, I think I am posting stuff in the wrong places - so this is a duplicate of a 'comment' I posted.

Has anyone had experience with SharperPrograms? (http://www.sharperprograms.com/) or Ace Clinics? (http://www.aceclinics.com/ADHD). They both sound good, but I'm a bit suspicious of brain improvement type CDs. Thanks.
 

It has recently become very clear to both my husband and myself that my husband has ADD.  He will soon be 'officially' tested, but neither of us has any doubt after the reading we've done.  My main concern is the lack of empathy in our marriage (and god knows I have many concerns about his behavior but this tops the list).  I don't see how any relationship can be successful at fulfilling emotional needs with the lack of empathy I have seen from my husband.  We're talking jaw-dropping examples that border on mental cruelty....but which strangely don't seem to gel with who I really believe

I'm new to this blog, but not new to having inattentive ADD.  After being fired from several jobs after a long and successful career with one company I was finally diagnosed.  I've read just about everything out there on ADD, go to a support group for adults, see one of the best cognitive therapists, and a well known psychiatrist....and I still seem to be chasing my tail day after day.  I'm on meds now and they help somewhat, but not enough!  I seem to be unable to do anything which doesn't interest me, and my house is just a mess!  I can't seem to get it together!

I'm the non-ADDer and all the descriptions on this site about the dynamic between ADDer and non-ADDer are outstandingly similar to mine!

So, I get that part... Most of us feel when we ask our ADDer to help out, do a task/chore, offer a common courtesy or spend time we get a mouthful. Attitude, excuses, "not right now" responses. And it makes our stomach just knot up and anger flares.

But how on earth are we suppose to change how we respond to them?