Recent forum posts (all topics)

I've been reading a lot of posts where the non-ADD spouse complains about the ADD spouse not helping with housework and it seems that it's always the ADD that's blamed. But, I wonder how much of it is the ADD and how much is it that the spouse just doesn't want to help? The reason I ask is that I am the ADD spouse.

I am a little frustrated here.  I know I'm still new to this ADHD thing, but help me out here.  So I found some symptoms of ADHD, sounded like my husband, gave him one of those ADHD tests and it said "highly likely you have ADHD".  He TOTALLY sounds like he has it.  I come to this website and the way that everyone is describing their ADHD spouse is my husband to a T.  So why doesn't anyone else think he has it besides me?  We had our 2nd session with the therapist today and she told us she's still not sure he has ADHD.  And my husband will not admit he has it, which seems to be fairly commo

After reading a lot of the postings and after much thinking, I see selfishness and selfcenteredness of ADD afflicted persons as a core reason of the suffering of their spouses.  It is the core reason of my own pain.

I have been wondering, what of the both is more probable:
1. Selfishness is hardwired in the brain as a part of ADD.
or
2. Selfishness is an independent trait, and it determines, if someone burdens the detrimental effects of his ADD upon others or takes the burden of sparing others upon himself.
     

I understand that men and women communicate differently, but I really think it is an entirely different world for an ADD mate and a non-ADD spouse.  My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago at his own suspicion of what was *wrong* with him, and his progress is somewhat erratic though he has good intentions.  We are actively working on getting him a new coach, we have some things we're working on from the AD/HD conference, and he takes his meds almost like he is supposed to.  Not perfect, but decent improvement all in all.

There is so much pain on this site, a lot of us have bled and cried over these issues. This isn't that kind of question! For those of you who are crying in the first flush of realization of how your mate's ADD has affected both your lives, this will seem petty.

I go to school 3 nights a week. I started when I realized I was probably going to have to support him indefinitely, as he had gone 5 months without even applying for a job. He's working now, but we made a joint decision that I should finish my degree.

I just found this great site and it seems so helpfull that I decided to share my own experience, to vent, to get a second opinion and yes, maybe some sympathy too. 

Compromising between for example the zoo or the beach is a realistic task.  But is there any compromising between decent and disgusting table manners?

deleted.  reason at this link.

I am totally shocked right now, because last night I discovered that my husband has been engaging in chat room sex with at least one man.  He has apologized and says it hasn't happened that often, but I'm not sure I believe him.  He also blames me for criticizing him so much that he no longer finds me sexually attractive.  We've had a troubled sex life for years, with my husband unable to achieve or maintain an erection.  I've always attributed it to our strained relationship and the fact that I assumed he masturbated frequently and had gotten used to a different type of stimulation.  I nev

Why is so difficult to convince people with ADHD that they have a problem and get them to seek help?  It's astounding to me that after everything we've been through together, my husband still goes on the attack when I try to discuss help for him.  He's called me names, said hurtful things about my family and me, blamed his misbehavior on me...  Over the years, his ADHD has gotten worse, and yet I've stayed with him 20 years.  I understand defensiveness, but my husband is not a stupid man.  Why can't he see all the evidence and realize how much fuller his life would be and how much better he