Hi,
I have been reading this site for about a year I think and I want to thank all of you for sharing your insights and experiences. I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
Two years ago my husband and I got married -- me for the second time, he for the third. We are both in our mid-50s.
Well I have finally come to terms that my wife is not going to be able to deal whith my adhd and I dont blame her, But to have to find out that she was having a affair and that she seem's to think its no big problem even though the divorce isnt finaly is really a killer to me. I still love her but I guess I understand why she must move on but I thought she wold at least wait untill we wernt married, this hurts more to me then the divorce does and even though i will over come my adhd I dont know if I can over come the fact that she was unfaithful to me, And she doesnt think she's doing any
I stumbled upon this website tonight as I sat here googling the same words over (ADD no sex mostly) and over trying to find a connection to someone or something that I could grab onto...my heart is heavy tonight and I'm at a loss at what to do. So far I'm overwhelmed with relief I've found these forums...you all are articulate, loving, and intelligent people and I'm grateful at how you've extended yourself to others. I hope I can be yet another lucky recipient of some words of inspiration, experience, and hope.
Part of me is scared to type but I feel like I can't keep my feelings in any longer. I've given a million percent to my husband with ADHD and knew his problems before we got married. Maybe I thought I could help him and my love would carry us thru. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm angry, depressed, confused, etc...just too many emotions and I feel like I'm aging years as the days go on...I'm only in my early 30s.
I have read a number of the posts regarding sexual desire and some related to erectile dysfunction related to those with ADD/ADHD. I, however, have a different sexual dysfunction- premature ejaculation. I am in my late twenties now, and the problem first showed itself when I was 22 or 23, but has been prevalent ever since. I have tried therapy, the stop start method, medicine (zoloft), other counseling with my wife, all to no avail.
a while ago I posted something here about when to divorce my husband who has ADHD. I got some feedback which was helpful. I have decided to go into counseling myself and even the therapist saw the amount of anger and resentment as a key point. However for me what was driving behing alot of the anger and resentment was a lot of anxiety. I never know what to expect day to day living with someone like this. I am now on an anti-anxiety medication. I walk...I do yoga...
While my husband has ADD… doesn’t lose things, is helpful with chores etc., nice guy, just he struggles mostly with processing of information and gets overwhelmed and cannot plan things well or move forward. He is going to CHADD meetings and finally “seeing the light”, because he has finally identified with someone who understands his struggles etc….I feel blessed we have found some direction and answers to stop our madness.. BUT……
First of all, I want to say thank you to Dr. Hallowell and Melissa Orlov for such an incrediby helpful site.
I am an ADHD spouse. I am 39 and have been married to my wife for 15 years. I was diagnosed with very mild Asperger's Syndrome (AS) at the age of 37 and then at 38 my therapist suggested I may have NLD instead. Bottom line: Both I and my doctors believe that I am somewhere on the "high end" of the autism spectrum and until about 5 months ago, all of my treatments and coping strategies focused on that.
I am not done with the relationship. I'm done with life. I am a ADD spouse. Until I read this column I had no idea that I caused so much pain in the life of others around me. My entire marriage I have tried to please my wife. I do not go out with friends, I devote my entire non working life to her. I have distanced myself from my narcissistic mother, left my business partners due to my hyperfocus at work, so I could spend more time with my spouse. I have tried to change my sex life, to accomodate her needs. I have tried to put the family first in all my life. I am utterly unsucessf
My ADD husband and I separated at the end of April. I just couldn't take it any more after 10 years (half of which he hasn't worked). In December, I had learned he had been posting on sexual forums, even including his photo (face). I thought he would never cheat on me, but there it was. I was very specific about what I needed from him to stay in the marriage after that and, when the deadline rolled about and he had done none of the work, I had to ask him to leave.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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