Sigh. I don't even know how to put this all into words. I've been with my partner for 6.5 years and love him dearly. But. It's gotten so hard....and I'm so lonely. He has severe ADD, as well as defiance disorder and oppositional conversational style. I am a learning resource teacher so I'm well versed in strategies and tactics to use, the problem is, nothing is working, AT ALL. We always end up back at square one.
After 13 years of experiencing it, studying it, and listening and sharing with people all over the US, and other parts of the world, concerning the effects and dynamics that occur when certain mind types enter into a marriage relationship, my findings have been those that I have, and will, attempt to share as a warning, and as an educational opportunity for others...
We are in 2,5 years long relationship and we've been living together for a year. I've suspected for a few months now, that my partner might have ADHD. I've read so many different articles and the way he behaves and how he makes me feel is very similar to described behaviours. A few months ago I did a little "self-diagnosed-ADHD- quiz" while he was playing his video games, I was asking him different questions and all his answers proved that he might have it. He got furious that I am trying to diagnose him. I assume he would feel very ashamed to admit it if I was right.
My husband has SEVERE ADHD! I also have it so this is why we have done so good for so long. I am and always will be madly In love with him but that doesn't mean I won't also be miserable with him at times. We both started medication, with Adderral over a year ago. I took it strictly to get through nursing school. It didn't seem to work that great for me sometimes it actually made it worse.
We were in a relationship for 8 months; I know he loves me and I do love him to death. He told me at the beginning that he has ADHD, but i didn`t know much about it until today. The relationship has been milk and honey the first 3 months, then I felt a change and I started expressing it (now I see that I did it in a wrong way and he`s been taking it as a criticism). At every conflict he would break up with me, block me, not speaking to me for a few days, and it was me all the time the one that would initiate and try to get back together.
Wow, I am so glad I found this forum. I can't even believe I am not alone. So many stories feel exactly like mine. My 6-year old was recently diagnosed with hyperactive ADHD (and other things) and as I am researching more about the struggles they have internally it dawned on me that my husband probably has ADHD of the inattentive type. My brother has hyperactive ADHD so I thought I had insight as to what it "looked like". I should also note here that my husband and I are living together but separated because of pandemic/finances/children (more on why coming).
Hi everyone!
Hey, I'm new to this forum so I wanted to say it's good to meet you all. Hopefully I can find some advice from smarter people and give some to others in return.
A little background about me: I am a 30 year old female married to a diagnosed but untreated ADHD posterboy who I love more than anything in the world. I'm not here to complain or fish for reasons to leave him by any means. At the same time, I am in what seems to be the common place of exhaustion, exacpiration, old hurts,and cluelessness about what to do to resolve things and make life easier for both of us.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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