Recent forum posts (all topics)

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Thank you to everyone for sharing their personal stories.  I believe I am exactly where many of you have been, but I have mentally and emotionally reached the end of my journey with my ADHD husband.

I have for way too long made excuses for my partner and his behavior. I recently came to the realization that life is short and passing me by.

My story began about 4 1/2 years ago, when at the age of 40 I made the decision to continue in my current relationship, despite the constant roller coaster of ups and downs.

A lot has changed! I am living by myself and I love it. I miss having my children live with me...they are staying with their dads full time for now bc I am considered an essential employee and I go to work Monday through Saturday. The girls and I get together 3 to 4 times a week and go for a walk or eat take out with my parents (we sit 6 feet apart outside on my parents' deck.) 

It's been nearly two years since my marriage melted down. Heavy drink was my ex's last straw away from sanity and suddenly he wanted to open our 13 year marriage. Well, he had been pursuing other women before asking but in his impulsive flurry to get approval for this alternative lifestyle. When I said no thanks I'd rather divorce, he had a three month alcohol fueled temper tantrum. I know now he was acting out, depressed, and without the executive functioning to know better at the moment. 

I'm mid 60s and recently diagnosed. All was OK for 44 years and then I retired. All structure (we moved as well) was gone and ADD roared its ugly head. Took 18 months to figure it out. Have attended marriage counseling together, however, wife doesn't like the therapist. The therapist asks tough questions and my wife doesn't like that. She says the therapist is biased against her. Therapist says she has built up anger, she says she doesn't although our arguments are her screaming. I'm a part of the communication problem as well. Admittedly not clear.

Hi--I'm looking for a psychiatrist in the San Diego.  The ADHD symptoms are threatening both career and marriage.  I'm looking for someone who is very familiar with adult ADHD and who recognizes that high educational achievements don't necessarily mean there isn't ADHD.  I don't particularly enjoy testing, so it would be a bonus to find a doctor who doesn't require it.  Does anybody have recommendations?  I'm also open to doctors outside of San Diego who are willing to consult with patients remotely.

Hi folks. I found this website a few months back, and I've been reading Melissa's book, but I just need to vent for a moment before the world falls in around my ears.

At this point, totally accepting the years I spent treading water and flailing in frustration in my marriage, I find I have a new emotion that I had not had before in my life.  Shame. Where is the shame coming from?  I am ashamed that I did not fight. That I sat in the false safely of denial and false hope. That I missed the opportunity to be a person of strength and character.  I let my family see the person I was then....a person who looked to the rules to walk straight and narrow believing that if I obeyed and cooperated that things would turn out OK .  Be humble, work hard, sacrifice.

Hi folks,

I want to tell my story and get support on how to address the effect that my partner's ADHD has affected my relationship with my child (who is also ADHD-like). When I read Melissa Orlov's book 5 years ago it was like someone telling the story of my marriage. But 5 years ago was a little too late. Then I was still reeling from my husband's affair 2 years prior...

I thought this guest post was great, but I wanted to add something that I realized after my ADD diagnosis at age 60 and 39 years of marriage.

After learning about the ADD time warp (which Melissa incredibly accurately refers to as now-not now), I realized that a huge proportion of my clashes with my wife over spending were at least partly the result of the now-not now time reality that I inhabit.  

I've restarted reading The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps, this time with focused intent. My wife is diagnosed ADHD, and two of my 3 children have ADHD, the third likely to have ADHD as well. I knew my wife a couple years, before marriage, knowing she has ADHD, yet not really understanding what it is (to this day, I still don't understand a great deal).