Recent forum posts (all topics)

37 wk pregnancy, want to end the marriage with the H totally cannot rely on.

Me and H has been married for 4 years. First baby will be born very soon. But when the due time is approaching, the uncertainty of this marriage keeps growing. When I realized cannot count on the H at all,especially finance side.

First of all this is going to be long and difficult. Kudos to any of you who are willing to read it and respond. I really NEED your responses and insights.

The other day I asked my husband why he just couldn't listen to me when I pushed him to do something, and that every time he told me "it's okay, calm down," I could pretty much guarantee that there would not be a good outcome.

Today, he was putting off getting bloodwork and taking a drug test for a new job he's getting.  He has to take the test by noon today.  He went yesterday, found out he had to fast for his bloodwork (to get a new prescription for meds, which he desperately needs) and then made an appointment for 10 am today. 

Hello all,

I have been a member for 5 months now and this is my first post. I have found invaluable information on here, thank you for your thoughtful posts. I am having trouble finding a post about exactly what's going on in my marriage and looking for a bit of outside perspective here:

I've been divorced for two years, and not being married isn't that bad.  I think I'm coping well on almost every measure.  That said, I am feeling down since the delivery for my ex-husband of a letter from our state's department of revenue, here at the house that I now solely own, almost certainly on the topic of him not paying taxes.  Ugh.  

The letter arrived yesterday.  He was here a few days ago, visiting one of our daughters, and he scoffed when I mentioned my belief that his practice of being paid in cash and not putting money in the bank is related to tax evasion.

H left his company phone on the train and got a replacement on Monday.  Thursday he came home in a foul mood and I said nothing to him, in fact I made plans and went out after dinner.  Yesterday (Friday) he was charging his new work phone, only 4 days in his possession, and I saw that it already  had a cracked screen.  Now I assume his super nasty mood on Thursday was related to the broken phone. 

This isn't a vent...And it's not a blame...It's just my view of our reality, and marriage in general.....

We have been on an extended timeframe with family trips. My husband seems to only be interested in spending time with members of my family and although we use natural family planning methods, he is ignoring my time of infertility (aka the only days per month we can be intimate without having a baby). I will shortly have my period and then a few more weeks until we can be intimate again since we are being very careful to avoid pregnancy currently. 

So way last January I stopped all therapy--mine and couples.  I just could not sit around talking about the same stuff every week that didn't change (couples) and I spent most of MY therapy time talking about HIM.  So enough already.  But lately I have not been sleeping and having those unhelpful loops in my brain: what am I not doing?  how did I end up like this?  what have I done to wind up in such a crappy marriage?  my kids are going to be damaged forever because I stayed in a crummy marriage.  how did we get this far gone?  what is wrong with me that I settled for this?

My ADHD husband nags me. I do not have ADHD. He constantly repeats things, but that’s not always a problem although it’s annoying.

When I do something, then it’s a huge deal and instantaneous, before I can even explain to him what’s going on he’s already criticizing.

He acknowledges that he has to learn to “put on the emotional brakes”, but it drives me crazy. He can’t or won’t let me have time to myself to regroup if I get angry either, so it leads to me feeling like he’s poking the bear with a stick 100 times, then I get angrier and I eventually lose my temper.