Recent forum posts (all topics)

So, I am taking a vacation shortly it just dawned on me last night how different getting ready has been from my experiences around vacations with my ex.  

Hello, 

As many of you have, my husband and I have gone through many ups and downs. We are finally on a positive streak with his medication well adjusted, he has a great team of doctors, he had a positive career change, and he's becoming himself again. There's just one problem. The past 5 years have been so focused on getting him well that one important piece was missed...me. 

Today I just feel wrecked.  Same shit different day, and after 21 years, that's a lot of days and a lot of shit.  All we do is argue anymore and the time it takes to reconnect afterward gets longer and longer.  If I am being honest, I am not sure we really are reconnecting rather than just putting on another layer of battle armor and soldiering on to fight another day.  So, today, here is how ADHD is affecting my life.  My husband knew I had scheduled a get together tonight in our home after a neighbor asked me to host a small product party for her launch as a consultant.

We had agreed that it would be too much for our ADHD daughter to handle sports and acting.  We told her to choose.  She chose sports.

Then my wife decided she should be able to audition for the town play because she wanted to be with her friends--after we bought the sports equipment and practice started.  

My wife had had to wait to start seeing a new psychiatrist, hopefully to get an ADHD diagnosis and treatment.  She ran out of her bupropion from the last psychiatrist while waiting.

Guess what?  She completely forgot about the appointment!  God knows when she will get another one...

My husband is a very smart guy. We’re both intelligent, but I think in many areas he has more potential and ability than I do. And for years, I let that cause me to doubt m own perceptions, thoughts, feelings, etc.  I thought, “Well, he’s such a smart guy, and I could be remembering that incorrectly, so...”  

If I had feelings about something, I let his opinions about my feelings cause me to doubt the validity of my feelings. Of my experience.

So my husband has ADHD (I do not) and has problems with his anger.  About a month ago, he blew up so bad in front of our kids (22 month old twins) that I ended up leaving with them for the night and taking them to my parents' house.  I told him explicitly that these blow ups were absolute deal breakers.  So he has now informed me that when he gets so mad that he feels like he is going to blow up that he is just going to leave.  So I thought he meant just for an hour or two to collect his thoughts.  No...he means overnight.  Like he has an overnight bag packed that he can grab and go if he f

My husband and I have been doing a lot better the last few months after I said I had to take the choice to leave our dysfunctional marriage to improve things for everyone, and made a plan for a trial separation. He has started back at his therapist's, started medication after a 2.5 year hiatus, and I have my own counselor that is helping me see the patterns of emotional abuse and gaslighting in my relationship and is helping me articulate my boundaries. I am also working with an acupuncturist and naturopath to get my PMS and irritability and emotions under control.

This is the strangest feeling.  It's nice.  Very nice. I'm not sure how I arrived at this point of acceptance and peace. It's been a long two years + and a circuitous route.

Brief explanation:

Some old friends learned that I'm divorcing.  Our children had played sports together and the couples were close and socially active together.  My son and I noticed that he was no longer invited to many events and I noticed that my H and I were excluded from things.  It was unpleasant but I didn't spend too much time thinking about it.