My husband and I have been together for 10 years. He has adhd and is very stubborn. He doesn't apologize for anything. He uses the silent treatment often and for long periods of time when I don't agree or do what he wants. I do not have adhd, but I do have anxiety and depression.
I haven't been on this forum in about six months. Why? Because my husband started taking Adderall. He liked it. He felt good. The side effects were minimal. I was trying so hard to be positive and look forward to a better future for our marriage. But........it didn't turn out that way.
I'm am the ADHD husband of a pregnant wife with generalized anxiety disorder. I don't know if I was ever formally diagnosed, but while attending college, a psychiatrist prescribed adderall after I gave a history of my academic struggles. I had been managing some of my symptoms for several years since discontinuing therapy and medication in 2010 by using lists, calendars, and reminders with a moderate level of success. However, I had been ignoring other symptoms like impulsivity and my short temper.
In a dating relationship, about how long does the hyperfocus stage last?
I (male, 52) have ADD. My son (15) has ADHD. My wife (47) and daughter (14) have no similar condition. I have been a well paid executive for many years. But I've been in and out of work. I've been fired 3 times for (in my view) no good reason. My face simply does not seem to fit, despite often outstanding performance. I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 years in the past 12 years (we've been married 17 years). We've had to down size our house twice previously to compensate for my loss of income.
My husband is ADHD. He is taking medicine, but that is it. He thinks he's done the work in the past because he went to a therapist (but didn't tell him he had ADHD), framed me as a horrible wife for 3 months, and then left therapy. He basically went to therapy to get some ammunition to use on me in fights. But, according to him, he has done "so much work" and he is tired of it. Now it is my turn, he says. Like I can stop the things he is doing to our family.
I have no problem with the idea of going. I have gone before. But....
Each time we've tried, the same things happen....
1) H wants to do ALL of the talking. The therapist, at the beginning, will PROMISE that I will have a fair share of time, but no therapist has been able to achieve that goal. H will typically interrupt me or call me a liar.
I think this short book which can be read in full at this link, would be helpful to anyone including ADHD folks and those in relationship with them:
https://thetaoofwealth.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/prescriptions-for-hap...
It all comes down to nonresistance. And as we know, Jesus advised: "Resist not."
<excerpt>
Prescriptions for Happiness:
Ken Keyes
Happiness Doctor
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT—BUT DON’T DEMAND IT
Im finally free of my ADHD partner....never again! I will never again accept the inequality of conditional obligation.
I have turned a corner in my focus. I am trying hard to stop my habit of 'being the victim". I am letting go of many thoughts and actions that had me tied to a life of negativity with H. The "letting go" carries with it some grief and sadness because it was a way that I could feel "connected" to my husband. Being part of a loving union with someone holding hands through life. He was rude, unconcerned, disconnected to me for over 40 years and I was trying to make it be something other than it was, I was trying to make HIM be something other than he was.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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