Recent forum posts (all topics)

Due my husband's retirement and my current unemployment, we are suddenly sharing lots of time together.  We've been married for 35 years and I've always understood that his ADHD was an issue, and I've given him the benefit of the doubt for all of that time.  But today he told me that I can't start talking to him any more unless I'm sure he isn't thinking about something, or I can see that he isn't doing something - because it makes him very angry when I distract him and he loses his train of thought.

My husband and I have been separated, amicably, for more than a year after having been together for 16 years. We're both working on ourselves, supportive of each other, and trying to find our own paths without expectation. During our time apart, we've both read about ADD and independently have come to believe that we both have it. Ironically, I think this realization is strengthening our connection and gives me some hope for our future together … we have an tween daughter and co-own a business together.

So I made a decision: DH and I have been seeing a marriage counselor since the dawn of time and we each want different things--he has hope that things will get better, I want to figure out how to deal with the reality we find ourselves in.  We don't fight, I am paying down our debt, DH helps with the kids, makes dinner when he works from home, the news is not all bad.  What's bad is there is virtually no emotional connection.  There has not been anything physical in 18 months.  We don't go out, either by ourselves or with other couples.

So as most of you know - I have been trying to "act from love" for the past few months, in response to my husband really stepping things up around the house, and for my OWN well being as i would rather always act from love than not. 

I wanted to make a positive post about the progress that my wife is making in accepting her part of our relationship problems which I can start by saying her end of the legitimate things she has had to deal with on my end?  In our own way....each of us has had to put up with more than we have been able to deal with effectively ( and learn to cope ) with the unacceptable a times which I could easily evaluate as a category in in itself?

I had a phone conversation this morning with my investment advisor.  He and his assistant have done much to help with the post-divorce paperwork.  The latest thing is that I found out only last week that ex-h didn't return one of the forms and so I'm still listed as co-owner of an account and thus on the hook for related taxes.  I've contacted ex-h at least a dozen times asking to talk about the matter so I can figure out how to proceed; no responses.

I had this conversation with a good friend yesterday.

My husband so self un-aware, he can't accurately answer questions to get a proper diagnosis.  He always answers questions in the way he would like things to be.  Not how they are.  I am so frustrated that he keeps "failing" the ADHD questionnaire.  He's working in a different state, so I couldn't be there for his doctor's visit.

I looked up conflict style on Google and took a few tests to open my awareness of my marriage conflict and the loss of our intimacy.  I also plugged in my guesses for H in these online quizzes.  It was eye-opening to me why our conversations are filled with chaos and our intimacy is missing.  I don't feel safe even in a simple discussion with him.  Here is why: