I have a partner who is diagnosed (but he knew beforehand) with ADHD. Prior to being diagnosed he was my first boyfriend many years ago, now we are back together since march. Since this is not that long yet I am assuming that I am currently still experiencing the hyperfocus, I know I will be devastated when that will end.. but I know it will come.
Hello everyone,my name is Andreea Wardally and I discovered just 1 month a go that my husband have ADHD.We are separated right now because my work and documents for USA by 7000 miles,I'm stuck in Italy (ROME),he is Florida.WE have to deal not just with 6 hours of difference but as well with ADHD that he keep secret from the beginning and alcohol problems.One month a go his hyper focus attention in US start to get low. Loosing control of everything,dealing with his moods up and down,lies to cover his movements,talking about depression.
So tell me if I am being unreasonable. A little background: both of my sons and my DH are ADHD. Right now only the 17 YO son is medicated. He is a 6'4" tall senior in high school, worked full time all summer and now works part time in addition to school. He has a girlfriend who I ADORE and she is over by us often, which is fine with me. She is a doll and very easy to be around/have around. The 17 YO was also in rehab in February and has been clean and sober for several months now. By and large, he is a good boy. It is my opinion that DH babies him WAY too much.
My husband has a problem with going to work. If he's having issues with people at work, or he has some made up ailment (I've heard them all from "I've got the poops" to "My back is acting up" to 'I barely slept last night") or simply doesn't feel like leaving the house that day, he will take the day off. And he sits at a computer and deals with customers on the phone and in person so it's not like it's a physical job where he can't work due to all those ailments. And rarely is it ever just one day. Once he starts not going in, he can't stop.
After over a decade together, my marriage to my ADHD spouse is over. He actually asked for the divorce, but I didn't fight it. He has threatened divorce more times than I can count, but this time I just said, "OK" and moved out. He told me later that he didn't mean it, he just said it to try and get me to "appreciate him" and realize how hard my life would be without him. I laughed. My life with him was a nightmare. I tried extremely hard to make it work.
So this is my first time on this website and forum. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD six years ago, after our son was diagnosed. It was good timing because our marriage was at breaking point at the time, but with this new diagnosis came a new understanding and reasons to forgive. However, whilst my husband is now medicated and we are both more aware over time we have allowed things to slip a little, and I guess whilst we came a long way at the time, we still have further to go.
I shall attempt to carefully word my thoughts so they come across as critiques - - not criticisms.
ADHD. What is known. What is not known. Is it a way of being? Is it an "issue"? Is it a disorder? Is it simply a way that the brains of 10% of the people works differently than 90% of the 'average' people in the world?
I don't know. Wish I did. Wish I knew how to articulate how so many things we as a couple have tried . . . .and that did not work. Like most things in life, solutions read easy, and work hard.
after reading so many posts on here, and being new to having an ADHD partner, i think i must find a solution. Going around in circles does not make sense at my age. I spent 30 yrs (that magic number for marriage) married to someone who in hindsight had something wrong with him, personality disorder maybe. and so I ask myself why do i pick these people, or they pick me. hhmmm. I learnt one thing when going out with a guy with bi-polar disorder, when he went off and started talking to other 'ladies', i went off and did the same thing. it worked! he was soon looking for me. so maybe ju
I was inspired by JJamieson's recent posts on a different thread to think about the following: describing the problems in my relationship without beginning with "he" (my ex-husband) "did X" or "he is X." I think this is a useful exercise because accepting responsibility for our own choices and behavior is important. Here are some of my "I" statements; I hope others will chime in with their own.
I was unhappy with my relationship because I was afraid I would get into legal trouble based on my then-husband's financial dealings.
My father was OCD and the dominate parental figure in my upbringing. He was highly organized so I struggled to keep up. With his help maintained good grades and got through college and a Masters program in Computer Science. Though feeling always well supported and love, I always felt massive guilt because I could not stay on task as well as he.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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