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Hello guy's...

I've been married to my husband for 13 years, we have two teenage children. My husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD, but it has been taking a toll on me and our relationship for many years to the point that we feel our relationship is broken, and we can't see a way through. 

I'm writing this to share some disturbing events and experiences I've had this week while on vacation and just before. I've worked this out with the help of an AI Chat program, that's actually been extremely helpful for me as a Journaling tool. It gives me food for thought when I'm stuck and keeps a steady flow of ideas and thoughts moving through my head. 

It's been a while since I've posted here as I've been trying to take a step back to let some of the hard work I've been doing come to the forefront. 

But I've realised over the last few weeks that I'm worried about myself and how numb I've become to the exhaustion of my marriage. I'm feeling trapped and helpless but my brain is reminding me that I am NOT trapped and helpless and then (I think) my body is staying in freeze/fawn mode - even though I don't want to be. 

Having a lot of trouble accepting that my bipolar II/ADHD fiance teeters on no change/worsening.

We've dated for 7 years, engaged in 2022 but called off our 2023 wedding due to worsening of his mental health. We do not live together(his home is a hoarding/messy nightmare). We broke up early this year but rekindled our friendship but I just simply no longer feel secure with him.

While preparing for a recent Book Club being offered within the Intent to Action Membership I listened to an interview of Penn and Kim Holderness where Penn very simply and eloquently discussed the topic "Talking ADHD Evaluation and Diagnosis with your Tween".

At approximately 10:25 minutes into the video Penn provides a wonderful explanation and example for parents to use who find themselves wanting to broach this sensitive topic with their tween.

I share it here in hopes that someone may find it both useful and helpful :)

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out for support and connection as I navigate a challenging chapter in my marriage. My spouse (5 years) shows many symptoms that align with ADHD—things like high impulsivity, emotional intensity, difficulty with boundaries, and a tendency to deflect during conversations. My wife has a son with ADD, so I assume this is in the family. When I asked my wife whether she had been evaluated for ADHD anytime in her life, she answered no " to that. She is 58.

I’m finding it really hard to access joy in our relationship right now. The RSD and DESR patterns are so constant that I feel like I’m policing what I say and do every day, and it leaves me feeling like I can’t fully be myself.

My husband never takes responsibility for his actions 

He deflects then blames me then the silent treatment 

A few hours later he acts as if everything is normal 

The pain lingers 

His words are toxic and I constantly walk on eggshells 

Hello;

My ex fiance was diagnosed adhd 2 years ago.  At the time he also thought he had bipolar which goes back years.  We broke up January 2025 due to his mental health and his house which is a disaster.  We did not live together but had planned on getting married and he would "get his house in order" and after the wedding live at my house.