Recent forum posts (all topics)

Are you offended by being a Husband or Wife?

We are all different on this forum, but, in the same breathe I can say we all have many similarities.

What is your concept of marriage?

What or Who do you pattern you life after as a husband or wife?

Who for you is the authority on what a marriage is suppose to look like?

Confused, angry, hopeless.....help!

My husband is a total addict to video games.  He will of course deny it, but i know it's true and I am sure he knows it deep down inside too.  At one point, he played World of Warcraft.  It totally consumed his life.  He walked away from it a few times, once even telling me he could finally see how toxic it was to his life.  He put that game in front of everyone including his daughter.  He finally stopped playing a few years ago, moving on to another game called Star Wars the Old Republic.    He lost control with that one too.

I'm new to this forum but I was hoping to get some help and support here, and so far it's been helpful reading other people's stories and how to improve your relationship.

Now I'd like to share my story to see if I can get some input and help since I feel very lonely in all of this and I don't know what to do.

After reading what I had been putting my fiancé through in you stories. And reflecting on my behievor I was/am ashamed.  the only thing that made a difference is that I actually acknowledged that I was the reason my so was/is the way she is because of:ME.  you know you say something we misiterpit, and blow up.  To stop that chain, it takes a lot of cognitive engagement, and know how to act.  It's hard after so many failed relationships, lost things, and awkward social interactions to have confidence that we aren't going to f-this current relationship up.

Many of us post here about lack of grooming in our ADHD husbands.  Why is grooming such a big issue with them?  My DH has the most disgusting feet and toenails you can even imagine.  Why can he not keep them trimmed??  He walks around barefoot, if I can see them he can see them.  I have asked him to keep socks or slippers on because his toes are gross and he tells me to get over it, it's just feet.  Ditto the fingernails--long, hangnails, raggedly.  Why??  Stuff in the ears--yuck.  Why is keeping yourself together such a big thing?

So - things have started changing... and I have NO IDEA what happened, or why or what any of it means.  This is a breakdown of what has happened.

For 7 years I have supported my husband and been there with him through thick and thin, no matter what - and I have worked with him on all challenges that have come up.  I have made plenty of mistakes, and I have owned up to them and know that everything gets better with work.

I haven't posted a lot in the forum, but have been reading and being helped a lot. One thing I keep seeing over and over is that many of us "non" partners are what I would call co-dependent. (And I am not really totally Non, I was just under the qualifying level on Barkley's adult ADD instrument years ago. I have my own organizational challenges.)  As I look back at my own behavior and how my 20 year relationship with my husband has evolved, I sure wish I could have been more powerful and confident and positive in believing in the value of me and my own experience years ago.

This might get long so I apologize. Trying to keep it short and give the facts but there's tons. 

This is my first time posting literally on any forum. As you can assume, I am completely overwhelmed and I just need some perspective, experiences, someone to tell me they understand. My husband recently started Adderall 15 mg. This is after years of me urging him to get an evaluation. He did and it is a relief. It's been 1.5 months and he says he doesn't feel any difference. I do, slightly. He's less scattered and he doesn't completely ignore me when I express how I feel. There's improvement.