Recent forum posts (all topics)

After reading what I had been putting my fiancé through in you stories. And reflecting on my behievor I was/am ashamed.  the only thing that made a difference is that I actually acknowledged that I was the reason my so was/is the way she is because of:ME.  you know you say something we misiterpit, and blow up.  To stop that chain, it takes a lot of cognitive engagement, and know how to act.  It's hard after so many failed relationships, lost things, and awkward social interactions to have confidence that we aren't going to f-this current relationship up.

Many of us post here about lack of grooming in our ADHD husbands.  Why is grooming such a big issue with them?  My DH has the most disgusting feet and toenails you can even imagine.  Why can he not keep them trimmed??  He walks around barefoot, if I can see them he can see them.  I have asked him to keep socks or slippers on because his toes are gross and he tells me to get over it, it's just feet.  Ditto the fingernails--long, hangnails, raggedly.  Why??  Stuff in the ears--yuck.  Why is keeping yourself together such a big thing?

So - things have started changing... and I have NO IDEA what happened, or why or what any of it means.  This is a breakdown of what has happened.

For 7 years I have supported my husband and been there with him through thick and thin, no matter what - and I have worked with him on all challenges that have come up.  I have made plenty of mistakes, and I have owned up to them and know that everything gets better with work.

I haven't posted a lot in the forum, but have been reading and being helped a lot. One thing I keep seeing over and over is that many of us "non" partners are what I would call co-dependent. (And I am not really totally Non, I was just under the qualifying level on Barkley's adult ADD instrument years ago. I have my own organizational challenges.)  As I look back at my own behavior and how my 20 year relationship with my husband has evolved, I sure wish I could have been more powerful and confident and positive in believing in the value of me and my own experience years ago.

This might get long so I apologize. Trying to keep it short and give the facts but there's tons. 

This is my first time posting literally on any forum. As you can assume, I am completely overwhelmed and I just need some perspective, experiences, someone to tell me they understand. My husband recently started Adderall 15 mg. This is after years of me urging him to get an evaluation. He did and it is a relief. It's been 1.5 months and he says he doesn't feel any difference. I do, slightly. He's less scattered and he doesn't completely ignore me when I express how I feel. There's improvement.

I've recently started to look beyond these repetitive situations that keep reappearing and looking for the patterns in them.  The conversations that come from them are fairly worthless in that my wife (suspected of having ADHD) appears to have no perspective and no memory of the last time she reacts (the same each time) to the same thing.  As if it had never happened before. (repeatedly)

So, my husband, who loves gadgets wanted the new iPhone a few years back - I said I would be ok with him making the purchase because he promised to use it for tracking and making lists to help him manage his ADHD symptoms. Of course - we bought several apps to assist with this, and set up his plan so that he could also enjoy the phone, watch music videos etc. And as you can imagine- as I am sure most of you are already thinking - he NEVER used it for the reasons he stated he "needed" it.

I dont know whats happened lately - but my husband, who for 7 years has failed to follow through with SO MANY THINGS... and who has rarely pulled 'his weight' in the houshold - has been pulling off some seriously big time stuff recently. Out of the blue, about two weeks ago he just started... DOING things. Cleaning things. ????!!!!!?????  I wish I knew what changed!!!!!!  Its like a light went off in his head maybe?  I dont know!! Have any of you been through this with your spouse?

AAugh another failed relationship, over money and not knowing how to choose a battle.  I'm sick emotionally and fighting detachment...