Recent forum posts (all topics)

Okay, this is on my mind a lot lately--what is the difference between accepting who DH is and just giving in/up??  I suspect it's more in the spirit of the thing than the actual way it plays out, but please offer some thoughts.  Here is what I think about: if DH rarely pays attention or remembers things I tell him, why bother to tell him?  I set up a Google family calendar--DH and I are on it plus both boys.  I put EVERYTHING on it--I mean EVERYTHING.  He does not check it regularly and has never put anything on it.

I'm new here and hoping for some insight. My husband I have been married for almost 13 years and have 3 kids (9, 6 and almost 3). He has ADHD. I'm guessing he's had it a loooong time but was able to cope until life got busier with multiple kids and the stress of work. He went on medication (Adderal) a few months ago. We've seen a big change in his focus for sure. He's very bright and has always thrived at work. He's always held down a steady job and our finances are good because I'm in charge of them-if he's in charge, we have issue (overspending, forgetting to pay bills).

There are some dynamics/behaviors/things in my relationship I want to change.  Yep, I do.  Change can only be accomplished if a person wants to change.  

I learned a long hard lesson that took many years to get firmly embedded in my life.  .  I spent years changing to please my spouse, and anyone/everyone else.  I wanted to be likeable - actually, I wanted EVERYONE to like me.  I thought my world would come to an end if someone did not like me.  How did I develop that 'ideal''?  Oh, I guess it had to do with my family dynamics and how I became a people pleaser. 

I read through this forum when I was engaged (note previous tense) to a man with ADHD.  I noticed that many people posting on this forum were considering leaving their spouse.  I was considering the same.  As with most relationships, we had our adventurous moments (probably because of the ADHD) and terrible moments where angry outbursts were more hurtful than I could have ever imagined.  Letting go of a relationship soured by ADHD was the best decision that I have ever made (and will never regret).  I could relate to nearly every post on this forum.

Wow!   I just Googled "emotional manipulation".  LOTS to find about this.  

Other than also having ADD, this is what my H is:  An emotional manipulator. 

ADHD is a real asshole.

So once again the illogical nature of the ADHD brain shows itself.  My 17 YO old son is in a weekend waterpolo tournament at a high school about 45 minutes away in no traffic.  Last night DH drove out to the tourney at 5pm (cannot imagine what the traffic was like) even though our son was not playing in the games last night, which we knew ahead of time, Dear Son just has to be there to support his team. The tourney continues today and today our son will play in a few of the games through out the day.

Still battling with DH's symptoms after all these years. Finally got him in for an assessment with Dr. Bilkey in Barrie, ON. Of course I had to arrange it, after months of DH never quite getting around to it. Then of course, we were 40 minutes late, because DH did not confirm the correct location before we left..., and then, DH came out with a negative diagnosis - which almost ended our marriage. I had told my husband prior to his assessment, that I hoped he had ADHD, because if he didn't, he was just an asshole. So, after the negative diagnosis, it seemed, he was just an asshole.

Hello,

This concept was brought up in Melissa's seminar course that my wife and I recently took. The second she mentioned it in the course....I knew exactly what she was talking about. The weird thing about this is....it's not a "feeling" of being devalued or "small" in terms of how you think about yourself. It's more in terms of physical "space" or personal "space" that you inhabit and therefore...is not "small" as in feeling worthless in that respect. It has more of a feeling like the walls are closing in around you and your "world" is getting smaller not you in that respect.