Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all, I've been married to my wife (with adhd) for 10 years. Things went downhill after a year or so, and became chaotic hell when we had our son. Her pills would be left on the carpet with the baby crawling around, and several neglectful other things that made me question her and my own sanity. We'd fight viciously. A few improvements have been made since then in our relationship (picking battles more wisely, incorporating recreation activities, respecting space more, knowledge of adhd's role) but we're far from where we could be.

I am desperately seeking help. Around 20 years ago I thought I met the girl of my dreams. She was beautiful, extremely kind and I enjoyed being with her. Even at this early stage I noticed that she was always on the move doing one thing or another, she spent money like there was no tomorrow and often her facts were a bit confused. I loved her dynamism as I am very slow to be motivated. I am very intelligent and analyse everything thoroughly and found her weird facts and confusion and slow brain a bit annoying. However, being lavished with gifts, presents and love overcame these issues.

We are switching doctors right now because of a move. The New doctor is having my husband fill out an ADHD questionnaire before his appointment. It's close to 10 pages so I am helping him out. I didn't realize how hard this would be. He has been in tears several times and we are only half way through. It's asking about traffic tickets and work history and his childhood. Ugh.

After 40 years of my overfunctioning and supporting him, H says to me, "What did you EVER do for ME?"  Don't let that be your story when you are over 60 years old.

Coming to this forum was orgiginally a somewhat frustrating and disheartening expereince.  Even thought my aim was to find out more about my ADHD....it seemed at first that I knew less than I had originally thought?

I’ve done the reading, I know the tips. I try to put my anger aside but being the wife of someone with ADHD feels like ongoing crisis, me working so hard to keep us financially afloat, and having a partner who does not take responsibility for his actions. My partner has lied, pretended we had a car that was stolen, forged my signature to write rent checks, pretended he was getting therapy and taking medication. He has been off work for the last three almost four years, to take care of our kids. Not that this was agreed to. He wouldn’t get a job so I had to support us.

Today a close family friend got into a car accident, but it was too late to get him a rental car, so he asked if he could borrow one of ours.  We agreed to meet him for dinner at a restaurant and bring him a car.  Then it started pouring rain and H started getting anxious about the rain and driving. 

 

H and I each had to drive separately so that we could lend the friend one car.   H and I left our home at the same time, but I wasn't paying attention to how close or far he was behind me.   

 

So I'm doing pretty well with my husband's ADHD. For example, I'm not nagging. I'm not arguing, and generally letting go of my anger. I'm not making his emergencies my emergencies (rescuing). However, I cannot hide my disappointment.

My dyslexic/ADHD son is considering colleges where a student can take one class at a time. Each class lasts 3 weeks, going from Monday-Thursday. By the end of the year, the student has taken as many credits/courses as at any other school. The idea is that he need only focus on one class, simplify his schedule, have less time management issues to work out, and bond with teacher and classmates sooner (rather than, say,  forgetting to go to class before anyone would even know him enough to notice he was misssing...)