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ADHD,

I have come to loathe your name; in fact, I don’t want to give you any recognition by having a full name.  I want you to have only initials.  It is hard enough for me to recognize and accept your existence.  I won’t dignify our relationship by letting you have a full name in my mind.

My ADHD husband grew up with parents that constantly bailed him out of one mess then another time and time again. I suppose it was easier to bail him out and do it themselves than have the patience for him to learn and fix it himself. So when we got together our dysfuctions worked together. Twenty years later I realize that there were dysfuctions and I have realized mine and been on a path to correct mine. In the process we found that he is ADHD and let me tell you that diagnosis really answered many questions from over the years. 

I have come to the conclusion, at least with my ADHD husband, that it's either accept him just like it is, or walk away. He is not going to change, I think that is the bottom line with adhd, you decide that you either accept things how they are or you don't and walk away. You have to let go of expectations. In my marriage, my husband's pros are that he is very supportive of me and what I do, he is affectionate and he wants to do better and in his own slow progress he does try a little.He will do what I ask him to do, pretty consistantly.

In our culture, there is a certain financial expectation for adult men living in a committed relationship.  When that is disturbed, it seems that serious household dysfunction nearly always follows.

I just realized that as I'm working my 2 jobs and taking overtime on top of that and barely making the rent and he's not working and just sitting there watching Law and Order or Star Trek, that our daughter needs to be registered for school. School starts Monday. He has said he's "very motivated" to get her into school (you know it's because he can get rid of her most of the day so no distractions from TV watching). He says he will drive her every day. That's the extent of his "motivation." 

I can't find how to get my husband diagnosed and treated because the testing costs so much. Is there ANY way to get this man treated? He's ruining our lives. 

My partner who is 62 has just been diagnosed as adhd, but he does control doing all the things around the house. Everything has to be tidy and if he sees a job that needs doing he has to just do it there and then. So they say he has a bit of OCD and also PTSD from his job in the security image. For a while I was convinced he was narcissitic as he put me thru years of emotional and psychological abuse but then an incident happened that made him see a psychologist and the diagnosise was made.

I've been married for 10 years to a 62 year old man who acts like he is 8 yrs. and helpless.

I run a business, support our household, pay all the bills, manage 2 rental properties, manage a vrbo property, clean the house, manage my employees, manage our bookkeeping efforts, my husband cares for our 2 dogs, that is it. They are not trained and they are both spoiled.  I'm getting angrier and angrier. I feel like I am going to explode. Yesterday was so bad I had heart palpitations and couldn't eat. I am at my wit's end. So here I am, to vent/complain.

I've been watching Dr. Amen videos and he is into brain scans.  Has anyone had one or had the subtype identified?  I'm trying to get my neice to get a scan. She has been on various medications and I'm not not even sure she is seeing an ADD specialist.  

I have been engaged to my amazing partner for 2 years now and he has always been honest about the anger that comes with his ADHD and I have tried to increase my knowledge by reading these forums and any information i can find regarding untreated ADHD in adults. finding this site has been a godsend because i was recently thinking i should leave him because i felt neglected, unloved and more often then not a parent to him.