Hello. This is my first time posting though I have been reading for a while. I have been engaged to a diagnosed ADHD man for 18 months and we are just under two months from the wedding date. We have been together for a total of 6 years and have lived together for the last year.
Please excuse any flubs. I'm typing on my cell phone.
Hi, everyone, my name is Rebecca and I believe my spouse may have ADD or ADHD. After being married for five years (not a first marriage for either of us) I am completely at a loss to understand some of his behavior. I feel like a tornado touches down sometimes with no warning at all. I am exhausted and hope, by reading some of the information here, to learn some types of skills that I can use to cope with this situation. I don't want to leave him but honestly, I can't see living another 20-30 years this way.
Thursday after work i came home sick as a dog... Shaking chills, terrible migraine, fatigue, weakness, muscle cramps, etc. DH was amazing, took care of me, practically waited on me hand and foot. Was really the super sweet man i married.
Hello, I'm very sorry If I'm not going to be very clear -I"m disabled and it's 5.00 A.M here in Arkansas. I'm typing this after another terrible fight with my ADD husband who is snoring right now peacefully in a separate room after calling me insane, blaming all of his and his family problems on me and my disease, and threatening yet another time to cut off my medication and not pay for my basic needs, all this over a screaming fight that he started in the middle of a Walmart today for absolutely petty reason.
In the Fashion & Style section of the NYT there is a forum called Modern Love that offers up personal narratives and advice on marriage. Last Thursday's guest writer for the Modern Love column opined on endurance and marriage in a piece called "The Wedding Toast I'll Never Give." She is young and I wish I could take her aside and gently introduce the subject of ADHD. The beginning of the article reads as if it it were lifted from this very forum:
I'm hoping I can get some advice from families with small children. We have a 5 year old and a 6 year old who have both experienced the explosive anger from my husband. If I ever go out for dinner with a friend and my husband puts the kids to bed, I come back to crying scared children because daddy got so angry over something small.
I feel really hopeless and tired. We have been married for 8 years where we had our fights, on and off days, bad times, really bad times, good times. We have a 6-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. And I cannot cope with that. Things between my husband and I are not as it should be either. We can’t communicate, it either escalates to a fight with screaming and swearing, or turns into a blame game. Both of us so by no means do I claim to be innocent. I am no innocent bystander but my husband sure knows how to push my buttons.
Just needed to put this out here today. I'm just tired. Tired of having to hold it all together 99.9% of the time. Tired of having a spouse that just can't allow me to be the weak one. There are times, as a human being, when I need to bitch, I need to be upset, I need to vent and let things go, but as the non-ADHD spouse, if I bitch and complain or vent too much, it just brings him further and further down. He turns into the angry one, the one who needs to vent, the one who is having the issues.
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