Background: we're both 55, no kids, known each other since high school (platonic back then); been together 4+ years, ages 50-55. He asked me to marry him in 2010, though he still flirted seriously with other women. (Disrepsectful to me. This kept up, but at a decreasing rate, for two years. He finally quit that in 2012, when I enforced my boundaries in a LOT of areas.)
Years ago I was diagnosed with depression. In the past two years I've been diagnosed with ADHD. I believe I am the ADHD-inattentive type. I had been on Wellbutrin XL for years that seemed to have a benefit but it wasn't enough. I tried Vyvance, Adderall, and Ritalin. They all may as well have been sugar pill.
Do any of you find that your ADHD spouse does "harmless" flirting on Facebook? My H has "liked" several pictures of women he knows when they are in bikini's or look really good and has also written comments I don't approve of like "you are hotness personified" and "I'm surprised the snow isn't melting due to your hotness". These are almost always women who are single or divorced with no man in their lives, never married or have a boyfriend. He never logs out of Facebook on the laptop so I can see who he's been talking to.
And the problem is, he thinks I'm never interested in his ideas because I basically just nod my head and go "ok" because I KNOW that I will never hear mention of it again and it will never happen.
I need advice. My boyfriend gets very aggressive and angry when he feels that another driver has "wronged" him, and it scares me. Every time it happens, we argue because he doesn't get that he's putting people at risk.
My husband called last night and left a message on the answering machine. He called to wish me a happy birthday but most of the message was taken up by nearly incoherent mumbling about how he's unhappy. I'm sorry my husband is unhappy and I'd like to tell him that but I want to avoid saying anything that would imply that I or anyone else will be rescuing him. Helplessness is a long-running tune in my husband's playlist. My past attempts to be provide help have been brushed or shoved off, as perhaps they should have been.
Recently my spouse was preaching to me about the great strides he has made in reducing his spending.
I am the bookkeeper, with full access to both business and personal accounts.
Don't you want to see the big picture? I think most of my life has been lived with tunnel vision, and poor site to go along with that. I think the largest negative contributors to my inability to see the big picture is my love for myself, my emotions and my lack of knowledge. Have you ever saw a little league coach who knows very little about the game, and maybe he didn't prepare his team vs. an experienced coach who's team has been practiced? The experienced coach many times is calm, he see's the big picture.
So yes, Iooked at my ADHD husband's email--you would think I would know better--I always find something upsetting. And sure enough--two emails, one from yesterday and one from two days ago from a woman he met when he was inpatient for a week in the psych ward two years ago telling him he will always be the man she loved most and all she has now is memories of a few wonderful weeks. How she wishes she had tried harder to make a life with him and HIS BOYS. WOW. While I can tell you I couldn't care less what he does with her, she will NEVER get near my sons.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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