Recent forum posts (all topics)

On Saturday I googled ADHD and found this site. I am female. I bought the kindle version of The ADHD effect on marriage. My husband is reading it too me. The book has brought such relief to both of us so much relief! I finally feel heard! We have been married just over three years. Our life is very complicated. I have triple x syndrome and require carers. My husband told social services he would do my care. From the book I now see he did have every intention to do my care but his undiagnosed ADHD has prevented him.(he is waiting to see a psychiatrist for ADHD and depression).

I need advice. My boyfriend gets very aggressive and angry when he feels that another driver has "wronged" him, and it scares me. Every time it happens, we argue because he doesn't get that he's putting people at risk. 

My husband called last night and left a message on the answering machine.  He called to wish me a happy birthday but most of the message was taken up by nearly incoherent mumbling about how he's unhappy.  I'm sorry my husband is unhappy and I'd like to tell him that but I want to avoid saying anything that would imply that I or anyone else will be rescuing him.  Helplessness is a long-running tune in my husband's playlist.  My past attempts to be provide help have been brushed or shoved off, as perhaps they should have been.

Recently my spouse was preaching to me about the great strides he has made in reducing his spending.

I am the bookkeeper, with full access to both business and personal accounts.

Don't you want to see the big picture? I think most of my life has been lived with tunnel vision, and poor site to go along with that. I think the largest negative contributors to my inability to see the big picture is my love for myself, my emotions and my lack of knowledge. Have you ever saw a little league coach who  knows very little about the game, and maybe he didn't prepare his team vs. an experienced coach who's team has been practiced? The experienced coach many times is calm, he see's the big picture.

So yes, Iooked at my ADHD husband's email--you would think I would know better--I always find something upsetting.  And sure enough--two emails, one from yesterday and one from two days ago from a woman he met when he was inpatient for a week in the psych ward two years ago telling him he will always be the man she loved most and all she has now is memories of a few wonderful weeks.  How she wishes she had tried harder to make a life with him and HIS BOYS.  WOW.  While I can tell you I couldn't care less what he does with her, she will NEVER get near my sons.

It is too late.

He can perform all the surface changes in the world, but what is beneath is still the person who has done and said so much that's pushed me too far.

Compassion and fear kept me waiting. For years, I bought into the belief that he could not help it. Before I even knew about add and narcissism, I sensed that this is simply how he is.

He can't help it is NOT the same as this is simply how he is. That is the truth with which I am now coming to terms. It hurts. It hurts me for both of us, but he will be fine, continuing to live in the moment.