Recent forum posts (all topics)

My husband has been gone for six weeks.  In some ways it has been good.  In some ways not so good.  He has rented a room about 25 minutes away. I met with him today to discuss finances but it turned ugly.  He will not face anything he is doing. Honestly, I don't recognize him.  He has a swagger and an attitude about him that did not exist before.  It is a little creepy to me. He took our son's college money and spent almost all of it. In six weeks.

I have been with my husband for thirteen years and married for five. Reading posts , I think that he has ADHD. He has every symptom mentioned and is getting increasingly difficult to cope with. Due to his angry outbursts, bad behaviour and lack of apologies , I am in constant danger of being isolated from family and friends. He is like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute kind, loving and fun to be with the next angry about everything in his life and blaming everyone else for making him angry. I bear the brunt of it and have gone from being a bright, bubbly , happy person to being a nervous wreck.

Before I met my husband, I felt like a normal, contributing, functioning, clean member of society.  I really liked that.  I paid my bills on time, I loved my house, I was active, I took pride in myself, my house, my work, etc.

 

To any persons out there who have/or are in therapy of ANY kind, including medical doctors:   Do the doctors or therapists ask for YOUR (the non-ADHD) person's input and/or opinions? And what is their responses? Do they take you seriously? My ADHD husband and I have been in couples therapy a few times, (even one ADHD specialist) but they never EXPLAINED the ins and outs of ADHD. I'd like to hear anyone else's experiences in this. Were there any POSITIVE things coming out of your appointments?

We can't talk anymore, on meds, no meds, morning, noon or night! Why us it so hard to talk to them? Last night I asked him a question and then again the blank state! I said are you thinking or ignoring me? He said a little of both! I said why are you ignoring me? He said I'm not, I'm thinking. And he heard me give another option besides thinking and ignoring! Then this morning,I have to tell you guys my morning, DH was stirring when I got up to get the kids up and ready for school. And of course the new puppy is hungry so I fed her in the crate and he let her run when she was done.

I have been the 'child' in this relationship for 40 years!

I'm not going into details but we both seemed happy.

Now I want to build Independence and Autonomy.

My therapist says 'take charge of more things.'

I have made a list of things I can do.

What else should I be thinking about, directing my efforts toward?
 

Not to sure if I should post this in the Communication section?!?!?!?

How in the world do we deal with communication?  My spouse very often INSISTS he told us something - but we, for everything we try, simply do not remember him saying it  - AT ALL.  I do not want to BLAME him - as communication is difficult  without adding ADHD into the mix.  My usual disclaimer will be in effect here - if it were only me, I would look closer at how I miss things all the time.  

I moved out this weekend after over 30 years of marriage, and over five years of arguing about his inability/unwillingness/denial about getting a job. It was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. I know that in spite of the fact that i hope he will be motivated to lift himself out of a very dark place, that may not actually happen. The ecstasy comes from the peace and freedom that i have been craving for so long. If he still resists treatment, I don't think I'll go back, but I truly hope that this acts as a spark. There was definitely co-dependence in the status quo.