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What's up with sudden shifts in reality for ADD?

After about 7 years of battling against what looked like irresponsible, childish behavior, my husband was willing to consider ADD as a possible explanation. At the time, we went together to the general internist and he was given a script for Adderall. At first, it did seem to help. Three years later, that "treatment" is falling horribly short of addressing the issues.

. " I just do my best to pretend to be normal and the adderall helps me fake it better."  a quote taken from ellameno. (HI, ellameno)

Everytime my ADD spouse brings something into the house to show me, he has it behind his back. It could one item in one hand, another item in the other hand. This whole "reveal" could take several minutes.  This is a crazy way of sharing things... to manipulate the whole timing and how it's presented and making me wait until I'm feeling a bit put off by his behavior, including my loss of interest over the *surprise* item.

I'm new to this, so please be patient with me.  My husband appears to have ADHD along with a germ phobia.  It has gotten to the point that I honestly don't know how much longer I can stay in this marriage.  He knows he has a problem, but when I mention getting help, he says I think he's crazy.  We've been married for almost 25 years and its getting progressively worse.  Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!  He has not been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but he definitely has many of the characteristics.

1) He interrupts your conversation

Firstly, my wife can forget sex for weeks and weeks. That alone is enough to make me just not like sex with her, but I get it and am trying to live with being invisible to her.

   After 28 years of marriage my wife was diagnosed with ADHD last year. She found your book and started to read it (lol). A little while later she insisted that I take an online test because she said I was exhibiting signs of ADHD myself. Upon completion, with the answers I gave, it more or less said I was boarder line. After years of not knowing,and reading your book,thru ups and downs,(almost a divorce,and I know by all means I have not always been prince charming) I was glad to find out that I was not the only one Angry and Frustrated with what seems to be her non caring disposition.

I am in the midst of playing hooky. I called in sick to work for 2 days, I told my SOON TO BE EX  that I had to travel for work, I got coverage for my kids and I'm spending the 2nd of 2 glorious days alone. No one is telling me I left this out, forgot to do this, neglected that... I needed to remove myself from my undiagnosed possible-add hubby. I am the daily subject of his negativity- but I'm the one with a job, pension, savings and career. This divorce is taking way too long and is affecting my health- Crohn's disease, shingles, anxiety. These 2 days have been bliss.

My wife and I were plagued with the issues I guess, are typical to the ADHD partners. Both she and I though it was madness developing in the tightest coils in my mind. The poised intent of my undiagnosed, and ultimately insufficiently managed ADHD conspired to make our home terrifying and unpleasant. For months after our marriage I did not want to go home and she didn't particularly want to receive me. It wasn;t a lack of love, that poured over the windowsills, it was the pall of a pattern that hung over every task in the household.

So, I got duped by hyperfocus husband. My own husband said "I feel like I tricked you". I don't know if I'll ever get over that betrayal. All I know is that my real husband has qualities that I don't even like to be around. I can't be around miserable, negative people. They drag me down without having to say a word. He won't change. He won't change. He will never change. He's not like me. He has no reason to be the way he is, he just is. He has so much to be happy about, but he is just him. Negative and thinks the world owes him. I can't change him. His son can't change him.