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Hi everyone,

I'm very new to this site but I've been reading a lot of your posts & feeling both relieved & overwhelmed at all our common experiences.  For some background, I am 32 years old & have been married for 6 years to my husband who has ADHD.  He is currently going to counseling & should be getting on some medication here in the next couple of weeks.  I am still reading through The ADHD Effect on Marriage & trying to work on my end of things.

I have been complaining about dh for years (mostly silent complaining but it also came too many times out of mouth).  I wanted to have a husband to love and respect and someone to love and care for me and respect our marriage and me.  Here is how I had been.  I was saying in my head:

1. It is not fair.  He gets to have fun and I get to worry about the future.  I want to be happy like him with no cares and the ability to laugh everything off.  With someone else taking care of the necessities and the security. 

I'll start out by saying that I am the ADD spouse. My husband and I met 16 years ago and dated for 6 years before getting married. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 2 years into our marriage. Like anyone else we had our share of problems. Before being diagnosed it had gotten to the point that he was being very aggressive and cruel to me - I had even researched emotional abuse (which he did discover when I accidently left a web page up on my computer.) Some things he accused me of were lying, cheating, having a gambling and/or drug problem.

I know that we each have different situations and we're dealing with variations in personality and severity of add, but I would appreciate any comments you can offer.

Last night, add spouse initiated an attack. This one did not escalate, because I did my best to remain calm, outwardly. Inwardly, my turmoil brought me to pray to God for wisdom. In the middle of the night, I woke myself up screaming from a nightmare. I watched him fiddling with something on his arm first, and then on my arm. I looked down at the place I'd seen him pick it up and realized that he was using a razor blade. He had sliced the blade across his arm, but there was no wound, so he was testing it out on me.

I met what I thought was my souls mate 4 years ago.  Obstacle after obstacle, reason after reason, chaos after chaos has made the last 4 years a weekly roller coaster!  A year and a half ago my partner finally begin taking medication for her ADHD.  I know believe she is under medicated and under treated, but chooses to rely on just her one time doctor appointment and 4 pills a day to state she has made changes to better things and anything beyond that is just me wanting to change everything about her.

Each time I visit this place, I wonder when or if I'll have anything to post on this forum about Hope.

Today, for the first time, seems that maybe there's a sproutling of non-negativity in me. Can't quite call it positivity yet, but close :)

For the past few days, I wrote myself onto the work schedule for regular hours and I have stuck to them!

This was a big Whoo Hoo, because I've been trained to feel duty-bound to be here at husband's shop every moment, at beck and call.

Today, I clocked out for lunch and...  Left !  and...  actually ate lunch!!

My husband (ADHD) and I separated today. We've been having severe marital problems for over a year.  I had found out yesterday that he was looking for rooms to rent and calling family court so I asked him about it, he blew up (as he's been doing about anything I try to talk about in the last two years) left and didn't return until this morning.  He packed his things and said it is over.  He does not believe our marriage can work because we have different personalities (who doesn't?).

I've overlooked many things, been patient, worked with him, talked things out with him, humored him, accepted him...

But there are times where I wonder, is it the ADHD or is he just a jerk? Am I excusing more than I should, because of his ADHD?