And it really upsets me! He takes off work (without pay) at LEAST once a week. Usually because he's tired or he had an argument with a co-worker or because he just wants to play his video game. This has been going on for years. I see his texts to his boss and it's usually he hurt his back somehow. He fell on the ice, he lifted something the wrong way, he pulled it while fixing the car, etc.
Just recently went through a horrendous time that started out with what would seem as a somewhat inocuous, but hurtful, situation. Husband, who was diagnosed with ADHD several months ago, sent me an email that included a poem he had decided to write to a young female coworker, who had a miscarriage late in pregnancy. There's a little more history to this than I present, but nothing previous to this was hugely inappropriate.
I am REALLY getting tired of every weekend going by and not one of several yard projects even getting touched. The big thing is this fire pit that H has been talking about doing for 6 months. He got bricks to pave the area around it back in February and they have been sitting killing our grass since then. He killed off the grass for where the pit is going to go back in April and we now have a 10' x 10' area of dead grass just waiting to be dug up. He keeps saying he needs to rent a sod cutter from Home Depot, but since they rent for the day we need to get going early to get it. Great!
When a animal is not loved and cared for, but rather ignored and left alone, it does not thrive. It may become ill and it may die from inattention and disconnection. When a person is ignored and taken for granted she can derive some comfort from memories of her youth where love and attention were given to her and she was seen and heard and acknowledged. But after years of inattention and lack of care and feeling invisible and unappreciated, a person's heart and soul and even physical body are laid to waste and wane just like an unattended puppy.
I have an example of something that happened between my ADHD husband and myself, so I'll tell that story and then ask a question. The last counselor my husband and I went to, told each of us to name 10 things that we LIKE about each other, and explain them. She was trying to help us each see the "good" in each other instead of seeing negative things. So, when we got home, I told my husband the 10 things I really liked about him, and told him why those things were special to me.
Our house is for sale. I am cleaning, fixing, organizing all around the house inside and out. And getting things ready for company for the 4th of July. He said he is going to plant potatoes today. Our garage and sheds are messy and dirty with mounds of stuff that needs to be thrown out and cleaned out. He is in the woods pulling out an area of grasses and weeds slowly as though he has nothing else better to do in the world, like he is appreciating each and every plant - making piles and piles of weeds. He said he is making a place to PLANT A POTATO PATCH!!!!!
Hi, my real name is Tony. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, which was quite a shock because i thought i was at best A'D'D only. It's not easy. Right now i'm also awaiting a diagnosis for possible autism, too, and that feels harder because it feels like I'll become a different person, silly as it sounds.
Anyway, no need to reply, just introducing myself, and I'll join in with the discussions as soon as I get a minute!
Best wishes, and thanks for having me here.
I'm still in the trenches on some matters because I believe my husband and I should communicate about issues such as our grown daughters and our shared finances. But I'm so much more independent than I used to be, and I want people to know there is hope for disentangling from a dysfunctional relationship with a spouse or partner who chooses to go untreated.
Hello everyone,
Knowledge is the first step to a thriving ADHD relationship. Join our upcoming live couples' seminar to learn what you need to know.
Next one starts on Jan 14, 2026. Sign up Now!
Need a little support? Join one of our small groups non-ADHD partner support groups, led by experts. Group starts Jan 2026. RSVP Now!
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
