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Hi all,

(sorry if it's inappropriate to post technically pre-marriage questions here, but I believe it's a question of some general interest and importance :-))

My husband is from the USA. I'm from the UK. This is a second marriage for both of us. Me because my first husband died. Him due to divorce. I realize now that I jumped into the marriage,my first husband was NORMAL and looking back I was lonely and so missing him I convinced myself that this new guy was equally the deal. The signs were there though. He'd forget to turn up to family events we'd been invited to,or turn up late.

I sometimes think my severely ADD husband would rather be tortured to death than agree that I might be right about anything or show me any empathy about anything.  It doesn't whether I start a sentence with the word I, you, we, they or Santa Claus it is twisted in his head and heard as a personal attack on his manhood or me telling him what to do.  I am so sick of fighting and being the only one in this marriage willing to try to solve problems instead of ignoring them.  And we've had just enough counseling that he uses it against me in an argument.

On the way to Easter at his parent's, DH (who "works" from home on his own business) starts telling me about a book he listened to called The 4-hour work week. Oh good, let's try and find a way to do even less work. He starts telling me how this guy finds ways to work and still have adventures and do things. He said he doesn't want to wake up one day to my son being 16 and realizing we have not taken many trips, etc. with the kids. Well, no kidding...do you think I like telling them no to everything b/c we have no money?

Today is my 29th wedding anniversary.  My husband mostly lives with his parents. He never initiates communication, and today was no different on that score.  Although I felt kind of sad this morning, the day has actually been pretty good.

It is sunny here and the skies are clear.  A perfect day to spend out in our 10 acres cleaning my gardens.  On with the sweatshirt and gardening gloves, step out the door - and less than 15 minutes later I am on the couch with nausea, light-headedness and abdominal distress.  Everywhere I looked is a partially completed project, little messes here and there, and things, things, things, things. 

I have been thinking along the lines of couples who live very independently and couples who like to be together more - sharing their lives.  I watch "Wife Swap" when it happens to be on and I notice that in many marriages there is a difference in the amount of "togetherness" couples desire.  Sometimes it is both the people in the coupledom that like the independence and/or the togetherness and sometimes it is one or the other who like more independence from the marriage.  I would like to be together more with a husband. Dh has been independent of the marriage from the first day.

I am really struggling with resenting my DH. He got a great job a couple weeks ago (after being unemployed for more than two years) and promptly was fired for something, details are vague. This is the third job he's had in three years, he gets fired or laid off every time. When he's home, he putzes around the house and spends hours shopping online or creating rants for message forums. I have SO MUCH resentment built up towards him for the last 22 years of this; if it wasn't for me, we would be homeless.