Recent forum posts (all topics)

So for a full year, I thought we were both working towards acquiring what was necessary to get the counseling that we need.

It has hit me full force that I was once again, the foolish wife of an ADHD spouse who dared to believe that it could be different.  And at the end of the year of work, I find out he chooses his anger and his stuff over me.

That reality has hit me full force, and it so much more painful than I ever thought it would be. I really, truly thought we would make it.  I did. Honestly I did. 

Separation.  Such a filthy word.

I asked my spouse if he wanted to discuss his visit with a pastor last night. Before he left last night, he had told me he would tell me when he came home if he was going to stay or go.   I was 'assuming' he had gone because he was miserable.  Maybe hit bottom.

What he told me is the pastor said we needed to go to marriage counseling.  I replied that we have been going to counseling for the past umpteen years.  We also ended our last counseling sessions last January when we were both told we had things to accomplish before we could be helped.

Being alone even though you're together.  Having a partner but having to do the lion's share.

Being on the receiving end of bursts of temper that you remember, but he doesn't.

Being blamed in an instant for everything...everything. 

Being the dumping ground for all of his negative experiences.  Not even being asked how your day was.  He feels better, you feel worse.

Feeling guilty about intimacy issues, but it's because you feel like a parent to him.

I am seriously thinking of filing for divorce from my diagnosed ADHD husband.  I don't know that all of the problems we have can be attributed to his ADHD, and of course I realize i'm not perfect :), but I can't stand this life any longer.  He doesn't even see what he's doing.  He seriously has worked less than 40% of the time during our 7 years of marriage and many of those jobs were very poor paying ones.  Yet he says (and acts like he truly believes) that he has worked his butt off and contributed to the household.  He went through our entire savings trying to start various businesses, t

I just can't live in the same house and watch my spouse spiral into deeper and deeper anger.  His behavior - MY paradigm - has become more egotistical and self-centered. 

I am very frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed that the work to legally separate falls to me.  However, it is my decision.  Not choice.  I do not want a divorce.   

I spent the past 12 months following the last instruction I had from a marriage counselor.  And, YES, it is true, I thought it would elicit change in my spouse.  And yes, it is true, today, at this minute, I do not like him very much.

New to being here and I don't even know if I qualify. I love my husband. But I'm frustrated. When we met he said he liked that I worked and that I'm responsible.  He told me he just got hired at a good job. So he quit the current job and took a couple weeks off before starting his new job. I thought that's understandable. Little did I know, until now years later, that this is a pattern with him. Many jobs and years later here I am, frustrated and scared. He really did finally get a good job and at first he was over the moon and happy. Then the pattern started once again.

Hi everyone.  I was recently dumped, for lack of a better word, by my ADHD partner of 9 years.  He denied there being another woman involved, but I am becoming more and more suspicious and paranoid that there is. 

So I guess the spiteful, spurned side of me wants to hope that his future relationships will fail too...that he won't find the happiness that was denied to me.

What is your experience with this?  Did your ADHD spouse have a successful relationship with his mistress or future partners?   

Being in a relationship with someone with untreated ADHD has been compared to being in a relationship with an alcoholic, where the non-addict spouse almost inevitably becomes somewhat codependent. The codependent non-addict spouse falls into a pattern of "enabling" the addict by rescuing them, by cleaning up after them, by picking up the slack etc.  Because of this enabling behavior the addict doesn't have to face the consequences of his own actions, and therefore is never motivated to change his behavior. 

Whither EMPATHY?

Dear Melissa & Ned,i

It seems to me that the crucial first step to be able to communicating in a 'validating' manner, is to put oneself in the other's shoes for the moment, even if it is a close relationship like with your spouse.  And, this needs to occur in both partners.

Just before we found out that my Husband was diagnosed with ADHD we decided that it was a mutual goal of ours to buy a house by the end of this year. Now that we know he has ADHD, I'm contemplating whether or not buying a house is a good decision for us. I know it's a huge responsibility and a huge commitment. If I don't feel like I can rely on him or trust him to get things done at all (like now), I can see it being a big potential problem down the road. I also know that it would likely mean more responsibility for me and I already feel very overwhelmed.