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I have been with my husband for 17 years and am finally convinced that he suffers from ADHD. Over the years, we have logged many hours in marriage counseling sessions. We have always fought a lot over many things including finances and spending money on unnecessary items. He is a very successful entrepreneur, but he has had several job changes to get to this point. He has explained that he is motivated by money so in order to get motivated he needs to buy things for countless hobbies that come and go....

I just realized I never posted on this topic. A while back when my FH was diagnosed as ADHD (after him saying that he thinks he may have it, but wasnt sure. And after forcing him to visit with a psychiatrist [he had fears of being labeled a looney....]), and doing intensive research into finding the best psychiatrist possible, and being diagnosed, his family refused to accept that. He told his family because I figured it would help to have supportive people around him. His family would be more understanding, and after all it is his family. Why not tell them. BAD MOVE.

I've been doing a lot of reading on here, and sometimes I see similarities with my marriage, but in a lot of ways, my ADD husband seems "not so bad" compared to some.  So then I wonder if I'm making big deals out of nothing, or if I'm the one that is the problem.

We've been married 17 years, and have come close to divorce twice.  The first time was after a pregnancy loss, husband was undiagnosed, I needed support and he played video games all day.  We got him medicated and both of us into therapy.

It is excellent advice, if and when an ADHD partner has acknowledged the havoc caused by their behaviour and sought treatment, to look at one's own behaviour and attempt to modify it to help the relationship. But my problem was that I was suffering chronic stress and panic attacks due to the daily, sometimes hourly, shocks, rages, let downs, violence, hypocritical criticism, shouting, overspending my earnings, accidents and chronic poor behaviour that I was subjected to by what turns out to be three male ADDERS in the home.

What I have realize is that if my ADHD spouse are in the same room, trying to accomplish something, and I start to do it my way, he just takes over, and my only 2 choices seem to be:1.  get into a power struggle, or 2. walk away and let him take over and do it his way.  Neither outcome is nice for me.  An argument, or stuffing my feelings.

Any suggestions on how I can navigate this better?

How can you love someone you don't know? How can you love someone who won't share with you? I didn't know anything about what made him tick. It took 2 years of marriage before I figured out who was depressed. I thought that was the fundamental problem, not realizing that it's probably the result of his ADD.

Hi everyone,

Firstly, my husband has been diagnosed with ADHD as a child. We have also determined that his mother has it, and possibly his father (which has passed away 20 years ago). We have seen another psychiatrist recently to confirm that my husband is still struggling with Adult ADHD.

Seems to me this is just an excuse. Do they ever change? Do they even want to? Nope. And I say that because my guy is nice to whom he chooses, when he chooses, then acts like a completely heartless jerk to others when the mood strikes. 

It is crap. Immature, selfish crap. And no magic pill will make the huge difference. People only change if they want to. 

You believe you have been picked for a team of two, with potential for new team members to come on board. It is exciting and makes you very happy. You anticipate running down the field, passing the ball between you, dodging tackles, swerving rough patches, pushing through the pain barrier, side by side. You pass the ball, but instead of the ball being passed back in a steady rhythm, it is dropped. Every single time. So you go back and pick it up and try and pass it again with the same result. Very occasionally it is picked up. You cheer, you jump for joy, you think it is a happy new start.

After asking for a separation from my husband of 18 years (yes, things had gotten that bad), and after 2 -3 months of marriage counseling, my husband was diagnosed with ADD.  The diagnosis really helped explain a lot of things (my feelings of complete lack of connection with my husband, my feelings of doing everything within the marriage, our pathetic sex life, my husband's complete surprise that there was a problem...) and, to a large extent, we follow the patterns in the books a bit too perfectly  (except we did not argue much).  My husband has since started on medication, but its been to