Recent forum posts (all topics)

I recently had a moment of insight into the ADHD brain:

Per the suggestion of our counselor, I gave my 13-year-old ADHD son a check-list for school preparation and nighttime tasks. He HATED it, argued, thrashed, moaned, etc.

Later, when debriefing the incident with my ADHD husband, he said that if I had given him such a list, he would feel "attacked." He would feel that I didn't trust him to be responsible. Also, just looking at the list would make him feel like a failure b/c it would show him everything he hadn't accomplished.  

For those of you who struggle with constant arguments that seem to be getting nowhere, I highly recommend this course currently available on Coursera. It is extrememly information with great resources and goes along with much of the content I have been reading in various ADHD and cognitive behavioral workbooks I have been studying and using.

I've been on Ritalin in one form or another since I was 5. Been diagnosed and rediagnosed several times in 40 years. Been to psychiatrists, therapists and counselors. Learned new and better ways to live life and compensate for weaknesses, enough to keep a job longer than 6 months. Got married, had kids, saw more counselors, learned new skills, got better at being a husband and father. BUT I feel like I've hit a wall.

I feel like the kind of love I give and need is a different kind of love dh gives and expects. 

His: R.E.S.P.E.C.T on demand, lust, sparring, games of one-up-man-ship, dirty talk, smooth talk, joking, volleying for position, getting attention by being bad, holding tight to boundaries out of fear believing that withholding is dignity, keeping dignity by withholding, being sexy. ALL FOR THE SHORT TERM.  

dog  verb  1.  follow (someone or their movements) closely and persistently.

I am going to stop being a loyal dog.  I have not been loved but rather I have been ignored and taken for granted. I treated our dog better than dh treats me.

I am going to stop being afraid of being selfish. How can I expect anyone to love or respect me if I don't love and respect myself?

A little bit of back story, I'll try to be brief... DH and I separated at the beginning of this month, by my request. I told him a minimum of 6 months, that we neede this time to figure things out before making any big decisions. Because of the car situation (see the other thread I made) we are still working out the logistics of things and he has had to take my car some days for work, which leaves me without transportation for my 4 kids and I.

I had such high hopes, yet it appears he would rather be alone with his ADHD wired brain than admit it is causing problems for our relationship. Now that I got that firmly planted in my brain. . . . I must go forward.  The reality I have come to understand in the past few months - I gotta find a way to allow myself to get past my anger and mourn this fact: I am disappointed he did not choose me.  

I was born in India, and now I am in US (I thank God everyday for that), my parents decided to arrange a marriage for me with my current husband. I am (or at least I must say at this point, I was) an independent and brave person. At the time of getting married I was not aware of "adhd" and that my husband is adhd. His family was weird - his father was bossy and verbally abusive to me, so was his mother, sister and brother; and they all claimed to be "traditional".

Greetings.  

I have come to accept that dh has not been really talking to me for decades.  He has given me "yups" and "nopes" and one word answers to my questions.  He lies 50% of the time just to get me to stop trying to "pry" into his secret world. He walks away from discussions. The only communication he wants from me is sex or play. I have been very lonely in my marriage.  It used to lead me to believe he must be doing SOMETHING with his emotions SOMEWHERE and with SOMEONE because who lives like that?  Totally unconcerned or not wanting ANY connection?