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Our relationship has been better in terms of patience and attitude in the last couple months ever since ADHD dh agreed to go to see an ADHD doctor (long story short, he's got his first appointment next week). I know dh is trying, and now I find myself finding myself angry at the very things he is improving on.... !! It's very frustrating for me and it annoys him when I remind him he should try to do the same for me, as I do for him.

Over the last 28 years, my wife has been just unbearable. I can have the same conversation ten thousand times and every time it's like we never talked about this before.

My DH and I argued again this morning because I can never do something purely for him - there's always a background benefit for me.  It tears me up because it's true and I feel so damn selfish.  Then I can't see how my actions (or inactions) actually do affect him or why it should make a difference to him what I do or what I forget to do.

There should be a support group for co-dependents married to ADDers.  So far, I am learning that Co-dependents want others to fill their needs of happiness and security - like our parents gave us security and purpose when we were young. We work to be needed because of habits learned from our childhood in how we were able to garner worth and love from them by being who they wanted us to be.

Before the meds, my wife was a walking contradiction. She never wants to be bothered about punctuality, but is always late. That's just one example of hundreds of contradictions. It's nearly impossible to survive being with her because there is no 'win'. You can't help her manage her ADD but she lashes out when it damages her life or if you try to help.

She finally got an official diagnosis and has tried both Adderal and something that starts with C. Sorry, I can't remember the name. 

So, my boyfriend's sister is getting married in May.  The last few days I've been trying to find a dress to wear and had complained multiple time to my boyfriend about all the restrictions there are in general as wedding guests: no white, no black, no red, not similar to the bridesmaid's dresses in both cut or color, not too short, not long etc.

My partner has ADHD, OCD and mild Asperger's, diagnosed only 2 years ago.  She's 40.
Over the 3.5 years we've been together, I have learned to set stronger boundaries, take better care of myself and identify co-dependency more clearly so as to stop my part of it.
She's getting treatment - therapy, medication, self-help through reading and forums.  She puts a lot of effort into learning, though ADHD itself sometimes causes her to forget/deny management of her own symptoms.
We have a couples counsellor.  I have self-help as well.

I discovered a great way to negate defensiveness when communicating with my ADHD partner by speaking in generalizations rather than specifics.  For instance if he does something insensitive like make a hurtfull/insensitive comment without thinking how it might make me feel, instead of addressing the specific event, I will wait a few minutes, go and do some chores or something and then address the issue a little later with a comment like, remember, honey, it's nice to be aware of other's people's feelings before you say something that could hurt them.  He will badger me for whether there was

My partner just refuses to compromise ever.  It's only ever his way or the highway.  It is driving me nuts.

Here's a great example:

Where to start.  My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have three beautiful boys, 13, 10, and 8.  Our marriage has been a bit of a roller coaster since our first year.  There were times that things were really great.  He was great with our first child; he would wake up crying at night and my husband would get up with him and walk him up and down the hall to quiet him.  As time went on things started to change.  I can remember the first time that he 'exploded'.  I don't know what it was about, but it was definitely not as if we were having a violent exchange.  He kept getting m