Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi Everyone

I am new to this site and this is my first participation.  I want to start by saying a huge big thank you.  After reading some of your stories I feel less alone and more sane!!!!  I am sure that most of you have felt, like me, that you are loosing your mind and that there must be something terribly wrong with you.  My adhd man can be so convincing and manipulative at times that in the 11 yrs we have been together i have questioned myself and my own values and sanity.

So, I've just been doing my thing lately...  A lot of the nice, simple, thoughtful sort of stuff we've been talking about in other threads, that you non-ADHDers keep asking for.  I've been trying to focus less on making her happy, and more on doing them simply because they're good things to do and I can do them.

Anyway, in a lot of my recent posts I've complained about my wife's resistance.  She hasn't bothered to learn anything about ADHD, she doesn't want to talk about it at all, she withdraws, she picks fight over insignificant things, and so on.  But...

I have been married for 28 years and only after seeing the Today Show piece on having a spouse with ADHD did it click with what was going on in my marriage. My husband is kind and well-loved by everyone but me. Living with him and managing him, his mouth, his inability to be on time, manage our finances, have anything but a parallel conversation, and generally fulfill his role as a partner has, in my opinion, ruined my health.

I left my husband and moved in with married daughter after years of saying I would do that if he didn't change (get a job, help with housework, etc.) He wouldn't leave, said he has as much right to be in the house as I do. My daughter is a divorce attorney and she backed him up on that score and said I could live with her family.

ADHD spouse is at parents' house for long weekend.  He has been going almost every week for a year; he helps them out.  I have expressed my desire for spouse to communicate with me periodically while he is gone.  Occasionally, he does.  This weekend, Thursday to today, one communication; he sent me a picture of the beets he cooked for his parents for supper.

Im curious if anyone on here has ever tried a professional organizer to help manage some of the time management/organization issues with their spouse. I hadn't considered it before because I figured it would cost too much or that it wouldn't be worth it. But after looking into tonight I think I want to give it a try. Especially since my husband is starting a new semester in school so its prime timing for it. 

Every time I end up sleeping on the couch while he is snoring away in the bedroom like a fight didn't happen I always feel like, "Shouldn't he be the one sleeping on the couch." I have trying a lot harder to use more follow through when we have conflict lately. So, rather than sleepily trying to work through ridiculous arguments where he doesn't even understand the true problem anyway and wants to hyper focus on the small details that are irrelevant I leave the room. I still wonder how he does not instantly realize how bad that is.

My husband, who has ADHD, has a very hard time thinking about goals and thinking about the future.  Very hard as in doing so seems to frighten him and paralyze his brain.  ADHD-related or not?