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Did you experience courtship hyperfocus with everyone you ever dated or was it only the ones you truly fell in love with?

Hi Everyone,

Newbie here. I just googled "why is my husband so thoughtless and inconsiderate?" and found this website!  Wow. It's so incredible to find a place where so many might understand my pain.

I'm non-ADD.  Hubby diagnosed 1 week before we met.  Went on Adderall from family doc, no psych or therapist.  Only on Rx during week and wouldn't take Rx until time to go to work...by the time he got home, it had worn off.  Essentially all of our time together was unmedicated.  Best courtship ever.  Moved in after 6 weeks, engaged at 2 yrs, married at 3.  Wednesday will be our 3 yr anniversary.  As things became more serious, our relationship fractured.  Got him to start taking Rx on weekends which initially helped, but it didn't last.

I've posted before 'how do you let go of anger?'  so here is another question, how do you change the way you think or feel about things.    Sometimes he does things for 'me', and I don't appreciate them because really what he does I don't feel is for ME at all but for him.  I am aware that i don't appreciate the things he does lately.  So say for my B'day, which he actually remebered this year he bought me something that HE thought would be cool, yet i told him previously I did not want one.  One year he bought me a 'tool' for my B'day, are you kidding ?

I am trying to cope with very little sex with my wife...I'm doing everything in the house and am frustrated with not having sex. She was diagnosed year ago and the physical relationship has diminished drastically. I am contemplating going outside my marriage for sex but I don't want that.....I am supportive and am at my wits end. Managing finances, renovations, car maintenance and work and being father to our 3 yr old and a recovering alcoholic is taking its toll. This is myfirst blog about this and I can't take it anymore.I'm 43 yrs old and my sex drive is thru the roof.

I don't miss him.I don't feel for intimacy with him.I don't even want to be next to him.I have resentment for him.I don't want to be around him.I am keeping strong.So far,I am doing other things to keep my mind off him,like watch movies,make healthy meals,play with my cats,clean the house and work in some extra hours (spend time with my kids)much more....I have been doing great.Also, I have been trying to sell my car to buy a more updated one,and renovate a portion of my house,I am keeping busy..Trying to stay focused and not be distracted....

We're having a very difficult time finding a doctor that specializes in adult adhd that also accepts our insurance.  Can anyone help us?

I have a different situation:  My first two children (previous marraige) have grown up most of their life with their (ADHD) step mom (my wife).  as now entering adulthood, they are having the same kinds of frustrations with her that a typical non ADHD partner/spouse would have.  How can I help them understand what ADHD is like?  its the same kind of understanding an non ADHD spouse would get from this site....but this isnt a spouse, its a PARENT that has ADHD. Any ideas or resources that would better help them with their frustrations?

Sometimes it is not good to just keep handling things and accepting unfairness and accepting negligence and lowering your expectations to accept irresponsibility and lack of love and doing extra work yourself because someone is not willing/able to do their share. Sometimes things are unfair and you just WANT change even if you know you can't change them to be the way you would like. 

So I booked a vacation for my 2  kids and ADHD fiancée. She  worked about 70 hours a week in the month leading up to the vacation to be  available , but now that we are he , she is still working 8 hour daysandnis almost totally unavailable both mentally and physically. Instead of a vacation to escape technology and to bond, it has become the exact opposite.