I am a woman who has been in a 3 year relationship with someone who is essentially unavailable to devote time to building our relationship because he has so many problems and his life is chaos. We love each other, he is an incredibly attractive, sweet and big-hearted guy. I looked into ADHD because as I described him to my therapist, she suggested that he may have ADD/ADHD. He fits the bill according to my research.
I am seeking support and hopefully beable to share some as well. My life is unmanageable in just about every area right now and I don't think the bottom can go much lower. Trying to take care of myself in the midst of losing our farm, and potentially our animals. Long story short at least for now is that with the farm up for sale needless to say the "expectations" that I know I shouldn't have knowing what I do about ADHD I am still struggling with and ready to rip my hair out.
My ex-husband and son are both ADD (no hyper component...inattentive). My son is in High School, and it it a requirement that seniors do a Graduation Project. They are supposed to start in Sophmore or Junior year and present the final project in spring of senior year. Well, you guessed it. It's spring of his Senior year, and he hasn't even started it yet, despite constant reminders, nagging, suggestions from me.
I need some help to understand something. For 3 3/4 of my 4 year marriage, I have had to carry the brunt of everything.... shopping, bills, the cleaning, cooking, laundry, child care, the list goes on. In all those years I can probably say that I was ever thanked FOR ANYTHING, less than a dozen times.
I have been with a wonderful man for a tumultuous three years and am just now fully digesting the depth of ADD's affect on our interaction. We are dating long distance but, because we both work shift, end up spending more time together than the average couple. He has a huge sense of play and I love it. Relationship wise the ADD has made it quite a roller coaster ride as I strive to understand. He, on the other had refuses to believe he's ADD and will not go for testing. He is also dyslexic (formally diagnosed as a child) and can't stomach the idea of another "criticism" of who he is
So, we've come to the point in our therapy sessions where it's all out on the table now!
I am Codependent.
He has ADHD.
I was told to stop controlling him, telling him how he should treat his symptoms, how he should behave towards me. Instead, I should just let him know how I feel and what I want and need (which I've done millions of times, therefore according to our therapist, need not mention anymore) and leave it up to him to make the changes and get the help. (accept responsibility and take initiative)
I have been married to my ADD spouse for 10 years. He has been diagnosed and has been on meds for about a year, which he says helps him concentrate.
I am so tired of doing everything. I am so tired of feeling like the only adult in this relationship and being responsible for all chores, income, property maintenance etc etc etc. I am tired of asking him to do the regular things in life that have to be done but never get done i.e. renew car registration, renew insurance etc etc.
My husband has lost his third job in the past few years. It's "never been his fault." In retrospect, I was blind...it was his time management and organization. I just bought his story.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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