My husband, of 16 years, found a wonderful counselor at the beginning of the summer following an emotional breakdown of sorts. This very insightful counselor began looking at patterns of behavior and suggested an AD/HD diagnosis. They've continued to work together and my husband is trying to embrace this diagnosis...
After a frustrating weekend with my AD/HD husband, I began to wonder what others found to be the most difficult thing when trying to peacefully co-exist with an AD/HD partner. So if you could pinpoint one thing that would help your relationship if it didn't exist, what would it be? This isn't a "bash" him/her post, but one that might help to see where the negative AD/HD behavior starts to reek havic on relationships.
My wife often uses laziness as a reason for not doing something. It might be something she agreed to do by a certain day/time. Or it may be something we more generally agreed to do, such as not leave things on the kitchen table.
When I tell her it bothers me that she didn't put something away or didn't get something done, she'll respond "I know. I was too lazy." Or "I just didn't feel like getting up to do it."
I am also beginning to suspect I have some of the characteristics of ADHD myself. I am very energetic when interested in something, passionate and excited, can be wildly creative. Very very low boredom threshold. But I also have a very good work ethic, and get things done pretty well most of the time. What does anyone think? I have been the partner in the marriage who took full responsibility for everything (reluctantly) as a result we live in a nice house in a nice area, and all the kids are clean and fed. Is it possible to have just the good bits?
I am beginning to suspect my father had ADD.
Do men with ADD often suffer from depression? Are they able to see the problems they cause and feel bad about it? ie before they receive treatment and counselling?
A lot of people have shared the experience of a partner with ADD whose focus and attention is fairly consistently "on" at work or maybe in some social situations, but somehow switches off when they are at home. It has a few interesting consequences ...
- It adds to the difficulty of diagnosis, and of persuading anyone (including them) that the issues are real
Hi All,
Check out the video section at the Caddac web site. Amazing video lectures!!
The 3 ADHD Executive Function videos by Russell Barkley take a little time to watch, but will really help you understand your spouse. He talks about the problems with self regulation in a way that I could finally understand what was happening. Best of luck.
(Note from Melissa Orlov - I took the link out of the title area, and put it in the body copy of this post so people could follow it.)
I cannot believe, the two of us kind hearted, compassionate, intelligent people are where we are today! Our fights are downright mentally and emotionally abusive! We lack respect for one another and the defensiveness on my ADD partners part is freakin' ridiculous! The communication is so lacking its a wonder we haven't seriously lost it by this point.
And now a wonderful note sent to me by my awesome neighbor who WAS a good friend:
Please somebody give me some advise, anyone please, any knowledge on the subject, even if you don't think it would help, tell me anyway.
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. join our Intent-to-Action Membership Program.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
