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non-ADHD guy married to ADHD gal. 2 kids. married for 10+ years...

I never really understood what ADD/ADHD was other than an elementary-school kid acting wildly in class. After seeing a few random posts one day on social media recently and doing some quick research, I found the recommendation for Melissa Orlov's book. Read the first one, and for the first time in years, cried over the course of multiple days after realizing what we've been going through.

So I have been with my partner for 7 years. He is 40 and was diagnosed this year with ADHD.  He goes through spates of surviving and struggling.  He has a cocaine addict which is re inforced with heavy drinking.  The physcologist has told him he needs to drink and he was determined to do so.  However in the past month knowing this information his addiction have become worse. He are constantly arguing about it.  His daughter also for kicked out of her mother's house and has been staying and is causing issues.  This has lead to him walking out on me and getting his own place with her.

Hi my wife and I have been together for 6 years, we have 4yo twin boys. I currently self identify as autistic and ADHD. I see the psychiatrist in 2 weeks for ADHD diagnosis and see autism team in December for ASD diagnosis. I am currently reading the affect of ADHD on marriage, I have suggested my wife read it also and/or we both seek individual or couples counseling. My wife has believes she does not need counseling and we do not have time. She has also told me she does not have the mental capacity to read more about my brain and to understand what I am going though.

I have suspected that our 12 year old has Borderline Personality disorder for sometime.  A few months ago, a ER nurse read BPD on their chart, but I had never heard of a diagnosis before.  Some BPD traits include swift changes of emotion with intense unprovoked rage, splitting, false accusations, unstable identity, signs of unstable relationships, impulsive behavior, self injury, suicidal ideation, and lying/manipulating.  I brought up this possibility with my wife during our horrible vacation (before we started fighting) based on their behavior at the amusement park.

Hi, first post. I and my wife agree that it is likely that I have ADHD and/or Executive functioning disorder, to some degree. I have never been formally evaluated or diagnosed. I am also heavily involved in aviation as an engineer,  mechanic, and pilot, although my flying is as a hobby, not a career. The FAA views an ADHD diagnosis as an automatic disqualifier for holding a pilot's license. There is no reasonable way that I know of to pass an FAA physical with a diagnosis on my record.

My wife had promised to seek ADHD treatment over the summer now that we no longer have weekly meetings with our son's school counselor.  Nothing happened even though I sent her lists of in-network providers.  Then her therapist said he did not believe he was able to help her and said they should take a break.  She still did not schedule an appointment with one of the ADHD specialists I had sent her.  Then she rolled the windows up in the car without telling me, painfully trapping my hand.  She did not open it when I yelled "OW! OW! OW!

Is this common? My ADHD partner will forget what I tell him, even if its in writing (via text). I'll mention something, and right after I say it, he'll ask me a question that indicates he did not register what I said at all. I'm frequently repeating myself, reiterating the time of when things start, when they end. What my schedule is. Where I'll be at what time, when I have to work. 

I'm the one with diagnosed ADHD in my relationship. Yet, I found myself only relating to the 'non ADHD partner' descriptions in the book. 

Here's the overview of my situation:

My husband of 23 years has self-diagnosed himself with adhd. I am in complete agreement. Issues in our marriage have led us to marriage therapists for the last 2 years. Our counselors have told me they believe my husband has NPD (narcisstic personality disorder) , that I am being emotionally abused and that we should separate for the emotional well-being of myself and our children. I am not completely sold on that diagnosis, although that could be because I am conditioned to make excuses for him.

Married for 39 years to someone who was diagnosed years ago, tried medication, but was not convinced it was for him. He has managed to be fairly successful in his business, but finances have always been a topic we could not discuss since he felt I was overly concerned about budgeting and planning for future. His idea of a budget is to "make more money" to pay the bills.