ADHD Effect on Marriage Couples' Self Study Course Finally Available!

Couples who are struggling with the impact of ADHD in their relationship will be delighted to hear that I have just completed an in-depth self-study course that can help them turn their marriage around.  Based on the live ADHD Effect seminar that I have been giving for several years, the self-study course is designed to help you finally move away from the destructive patterns you've developed in your relationship - even if you feel you're really in a rut.  It's an intensive course - including seven lectures, notes pages, worksheets, homework and specific readings all designed to move you from where you are now to a better, more caring and less ADHD-impacted relationship.

This is a course that changes lives, and now you can do it at your own pace.  (Read more below)

For those who need the extra 'push' of a schedule created by me, I will offer a version of this course in which you complement the self-study lectures with weekly live question and answer sessions with me.  So you can take one lecture per week and one Q&A a week to help cement your progress.

Here are just a few of the things you'll learn in either version of this course:

  • how to eliminate the worst patterns between you, such as Parent/Child and the Chore Wars
  • what good treatment for ADHD looks like
  • how to help an ADHD partner become reliable again, rather than "consistently inconsistent"
  • the role that anger plays in your relationship and how to eradicate it from your lives
  • how to improve communication between you
  • ways to improve your intimate and sexual connections

Don't just take my word for it - read what couples who have taken the live course write about the experience.  To find out all the details, or to register, just go to this ADHD Effect couples' seminar link.


Therapists' personal lives

I am sure you mean well but when almost all of your blog emails refer to your own marital problems, I find it off-putting.  Not only is it awkward to hear about your problems with someone whose writing is also public, but in general this kind of revealing info is considered a bad idea by most professional therapists.  PErhaps you come from a different tradition or professional school of thought, in which case I feel comfortable saying that I'm glad it works for you, but it sure rubs me the wrong way.


REALLY ?  I think the fact

REALLY ?  I think the fact that she shares her personal experience is what makes me appreciate her comments....she has been thru the trenches and knows what she is talking about...not just someone who went to school and can repeat what she studied.  My only wish is that I had the same success in my marriage as she has achieved in hers.


I'm not sure you're fully informed as to who I am?  My husband has no writings that are public.  Perhaps you are confusing my husband with Dr. Hallowell?  People do that sometimes.  Anyway, your "I'm sure you mean well" comment seems more than a bit condescending.

The feedback I typically get is that people are quite relieved to hear that it is possible - in reality, not just theory - to turn around a marriage that is a complete mess due to ADHD issues.  "Your story gives me hope" is a comment I hear with regularity.  And hope is an important part of finding the energy and drive to work on something that has exhausted you, so finding a bit of it is critical to the process of changing a difficult marriage and making it better.  If sharing my story leads to the kind of change that people have not been able to manage with other professionals with whom they have worked in the past, then it's well worth it to me to share it.

P.S.  Though I would qualify to be called a therapist, I am quite clear about calling myself a "marriage consultant" instead so that I make it abundantly clear to all who wish to do a bit of research and find out more about me that I do not work like the therapists they are used to working with.  I work by phone 100% of the time, I write conference reports from my couples calls so that couples can review what we've talked about after the call is completed, I give my couples specific assignments, etc.  So, yes, I work in a different "tradition" than the typical therapist - by specific design, and quite proudly (and effectively) so.

Therapists' personal lives

Thank you! You clarified it well -- that Dr. Hallowell is not your husband, and that you are not a traditional therapist.  I would say answers some of my main concerns, but also I'd like to clarify that I thought I made it clear that this was about MY reaction to your constant emphasis of your personal story. I do not consider that a weakness but a style, a choice of approach.  I still find it off-putting when phrased so personally, as opposed to the tempered, "I have found what works is..." or "My experience is that X doesn't work" .


Just a thought. Thanks for your response. 


Personal Experience a Plus

I so very much appreciate the sharing of personal stories - both from you Melissa, and from others on this site. 

If it were not for all this sharing of personal stories, I would not have suspected that my husband may have ADD, and I would not have realized the extent to which it explains many of our marital issues.  The possibilities discussed here have given me hope that our problems are not insurmountable.  Sometimes that hope is all that keeps me going.

After experiencing two terribly ineffective marriage counselors,  I sought out a third who was supposed to have had experience with ADD.  Her experience was working for a school board, dealing solely with ADD/ADHD in children, in an educational environment.  She had no knowledge of how differently ADD manifests itself in adulthood.  When my dh told her what he does for a living, she said, "Oh! You're a _______?  You can't have ADD!"  Flabbergasted, I then proceeded to educate her about adult ADD, and how this was in fact, a perfect career for someone with ADD (variable schedule, different workmates each day, stimulating new environments each day, and no direct supervisor to note that he is late almost every day).

And while I find the personal stories shared by readers consoling, it is your stories Melissa that mean the most to me because of the expertise and perspective you have on the subject, that a contributor like myself may not have.  It helps me to know that when you offer tips or advice, that it is coming from personal experience that has shaped and encouraged your education on ADD/ADHD.

Clara - try the professionals resource page

If you are educating your therapist, that is likely to be bad news.  Have you looked at the resources page for professionals on this site?  It's a short list, but those on it are well aware of adult ADHD and most often how it impacts relationships...and my work.  Most of the therapists work locally, though Nancy Kohlenberger also works by phone in a consulting capacity, just as I do.  She's good, too.  Perhaps someone on that list will finally help you get the help you need!  As another resource, consider my couples course, which many find very enlightening.  The next live session starts in late January.

i agree tired of knowledgeable text book trained specialist who

Feel everything is black or white no inbetween. I've meet many professionals from social workers to counselors to Drs and the ones without life experience are no where close in being effective at teaching or helping let alone lack true empathy. Those who can relate and have experience are way more effective in my opinion and as humans we need to connect. It's like inspiration knowing if they went through similar experiences because my mentality is they can overcome it so can I verses what do they know. I appreciate Melissa sharing her experiences and if it doesn't work for you no reason to put anyone down theres a ton of others with a wide approache on the subject for you to move on to that relays text book information in a nonpersonal way.

Thank you Melissa

My husband and I did the phone counseling with you when I thought my husband and I would not make another anniversary together.After much reading,learning and listening, we have never been happier. We continue to learn from each other daily and imagine that we may always. I am happy to say we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary together. Thank you for your words of wisdom born from your own experiences and professional studies. I hear you in my mind almost daily and so very very grateful you were the one to guide us.


I'm so delighted you continue to do well!

Thanks for this lovely note - it's great to hear that the two of you continue to do well!  And thanks for the public acknowledgement, as I know many at this site are looking to hear about success stories.  Is there anything specific that you would like to share with the other readers of the site?  If not, that's just fine, but if there are a couple of things that were particularly helpful to you from which others might benefit, please feel free to share them.