Recent forum posts (all topics)

Did you have emotional resolution or closure before you divorced or after?  Did you only grieve for the relationship and the loss of hope?  Or did you grieve the loss who the specific person you lost?  What else were your losses?

We are not divorcing in the foreseeable future but the topic has come up over the course of our marriage, and it has been more seriously considered at various times. 

So it's been a LOT of togetherness the past few weeks and I am about at the end of my tether.  DHs 50th birthday was November 17th and all four of us went downtown (Chicago) overnight-we had a super fancy dinner out then stayed at a fancy hotel overnight then had brunch the next morning and came home.  It was fine but taxing.  It made me sad that we have no couple friends that I would even have invited to join us and that DH has no friends period that would have made for a party or something.  He has two ways of being-sarcastic or sullen.  That's pretty much it.

My ADHD husband and I have been in counseling together for several months now, and are working to get our marriage into a better place. We have already seen real progress, though we do have a long way to go. (At what point does it start to get easier.. six months? a year?)

We are both dealing with a lot of hurt and anger, and I am trying to take responsibility for my part in our issues, but I am starting to feel like I'm being unfairly villainized in his memory of our life together all these years.

My wife and I went through 8.5 months of marriage counseling 5 years ago...With a very good counselor....I was an angry man, hurt and bitter then...On more than one occasion, I would get up to angrily walk out, but, never did...My W would never own her behavior, and always blamed, denied, or justified it....She just wanted a referee, not help....

The leaves had really piled up by last weekend.  Our son had done a poor job of raking them earlier in the fall and now said he refused to do yardwork because I always tell him it is not good enough.  You know, I am picky about things like raking the leaves that are against the fence,bagging the leaves once you rake them into piles, and not raking them into the bushes in the hopes that no  one will notice.  On Saturday morning we went to a movie.  On the way, my wife offered to help me rake.  After the movie, she said our son should help me rake.  I reminded her that she offered to rake.  S

Hi all,

I'm really hoping someone might be able to offer me some words of wisdom. 

How many of us Nons have been told that we always have to have our way with things?

*raises hand*

I know another couple personally whose adhd spouse said that to the nonadhd spouse. So that makes two of us. 

We've always known that my husband had ADHD, however neither of us knew much about what that meant beyond trouble concentrating. During a period of depression I started seeing a therapist, and she quickly realized that his ADHD was a significant factor in our lives, causing many of the issues we had with each other. I started reading books on ADHD and marriage, I listened to the podcasts on this website, I read your stories and comments. I saw and heard so much of our relationship and it became clear. I wish we had known years ago what I know now.

On Tuesday my daughter had a very important accomplishment at school and was bursting to talk about it at the day's end (she is 11). My husband/her dad picked her up that day and was distracted by something else. He did not listen to what she was saying or treat it/her as his priority. Much like I have been, my daughter has been hurt by his inattention too many times. This time, she decided she would not speak to him. This lasted 3 days. She did not speak even a word no matter how hard my husband tried to get her to talk.

DH is the ADHD spouse..

It was never that big of an issue-the forgetfulness, the funny quirks...

Truly, it is the disconnect. The dropped communications, lack of follow through on commitments, never seeing the trees, maybe just the forest... never fully manifesting feelings and thoughts of love and consideration.