Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hey all... first time poster, long time wife of ADHDer.

I am already at the end of my rope as non-adhd spouse. My husband is in denial. We have not been intimate in 8 years. He can't/won't hold traditional employment. My house is in chaos. I am responsible for 90% of the load. Etc., etc. You all know the story too well. 

My concern has turned from myself to my husband's relationship with our daughter. She is a tween and very emotional/sensitive. I see her walking the same path I have over the past 20 years and my heart is breaking:

Lack of boundaries, avoiding communication, seeking novelty and taboo stimulation -- I don't know if my husband's behavior stems from his ADHD or if it's some other issue, but I'm in a private little hell right now.

Just thinking and wondering what makes us stay in less than ideal situations. I have no love left for my husband. No empathy no good feelings at all. So Why stick around. 

-my depression from these things and my lack of energy and clear thinking

- my fear of losing my children and grandchildren

- my huge need to be believed by others. He looks pretty amazing to the outside world.

-access to money. We have a thriving business. There is also money saved but we both have to sign to access it.

So Why do you stay?

I truly do not understand what goes on in a person's mind, who refuses to be responsible, and do the work of a Wife or Husband....How can a person be raised by two working parents, finish high school and college, get a job and support themselves...Then take marriage vows, enter a marriage, and start living like life is just one big party...And they are the guest of honor, with no responsibilities??....It's not that these people weren't taught to work, and how to share....I guess it's possible to just justify using another person up for your own selfish agenda, without a thought??

My ADHD husband is totally at the mercy of his symptoms right now. I got him to read enough that he agrees he has it.  He is in the “process” of getting himself in somewhere so that he can be diagnosed officially.  Reading between the lines, you know know what that means. 

Of course, he doesn’t understand the scope of their effect yet. And I do understand that and am reminding myself so I don’t hold it against him. 

And in the meantime, I know that it would be so helpful for both of us if I praised him for something.   The trouble?  His symptoms are so rampant.  

Hi, I am new here. I have been reading the blogs and feeling a strange comfort in knowing that other people are facing some of the same problems that my wife and I are facing.

First a little background.  I met my wife four years ago and fell deeply, madly and very quickly in love. (like most add people do) We got married, bought a house and now have two children.  It all happened very fast.

The most maddening aspect of H's behavior is when one of our granddaughters is here.  I don't know what to do about it.  H and her "get cozy", touching arms and touching heads and leaning in to smile and laugh together.  Granddaughter likes the special attention but a 11 years old does not know about sex and men.  H is impulsive and thinks of himself as sexy and personable.  He is nearly 70 years old and flirts with anyone and everyone - it gets very embarassing to me when I am with him and he encrouches on his targets while I stand there with arms crossed. It is his personality.

I do fine on most holidays:  Christmas (a little weird not doing it as a full family but I and at least one daughter always see my side of the family), Thanksgiving (the last time I saw my former parents-in-law was Thanksgiving 2009, when my FIL was cruel to me and refused to apologize, after lying about what he did), Easter (I'm not religious), and either Mother's Day (I was and continue to be a good mother and my daughters usually call me).  But Father's Day depresses me, because it reminds me that my ex dumped me and neglected our daughters so that he could take care of his parents, his

i seem to give off some kind of energy that makes people want to unload their problems on me. When I was growing up, my mother inappropriately shared problems with me. She complained nonstop about how much she hated her parents. After I got married, my MIL did the something very similar. Except my MIL complained a lot about how much she disliked being a mother and a grandmother. Really inappropriate stuff!!  People that I barely know will confide in me and tell me shocking stories about themselves.