Recent forum posts (all topics)

 I am wondering if anyone else feels guilty about your ADHD marriage and its effect on your children?  I know I do.  My husband and I have been married 21 years, and almost certainly should not have had children at all.

So I have a question.  Can the non-ADHD partners among us tell when our ADHD person is fully present vs. when they are checked out?  Here's what I mean: there are stretches of time where DH is in a normal mood, not prickly or sullen, acting normally, retaining things I say and then for no reason I can point to there will be periods of time where he is just out to lunch.  Right now he is out to lunch and has been for a few weeks.  The inconsistency of his moods is for me one of the hardest parts of living with an unmedicated ADHD adult.

Yesterday, I was outdoors on our yard at the home I am fortunate enough to live in.   I asked myself, "Why have you not been happy here?"  I am ashamed of myself for not being able to be happy and more appreciative all these years.  

What would it be like to not have to read, research, make adjustments, soul search and the like?  How would it be without having to figure out your last straw or how to live peaceably in such a difficult situation.  We talk all the time about self-care.  It's very important that we exercise self-care. It also seems like we, collectively, spend an inordinate amount of time on the aforementioned activities, in an effort to understand ADHD and react to situations beyond our control.

Hey my fellow ADHD'ers,

My husband has not been diagnosed with ADHD ( yet). We have been married for 13 years. We both know that he is ADHD & we both are reading up on it. Me more then him.

This diagnosis will answer alot of years of wondering what the hec is wrong with our life.

Allthough it does not begin to help us at this point. I think that I feel worse!! I dont know how he really feels because he isnt willing to talk much about it. I mentioned many times, (years) that I am done with the way our life is going.

Hi,

My husband is 40 years old. We've been married for 5 years, together for almost 15, and have a 4.5 year old son. We've recently realized that my husband exhibits many symptoms/behaviors of ADHD. It came to a head about a month ago, when I had him hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, because he had become extremely manic and was not making sense to me. He came to learn that he was experiencing extreme racing thoughts. The things that led him to that place were in summary:

Every now and then in conversation my adhd h will open a window and I experience the person I love. But it seems within minutes of conversation the window closes and suddenly a new view is there which is totally different from the one I just saw. It's like you feel wow they are really hearing me right now seeing me they are with me. Then out of nowhere they are back in a fog discussing some completely random topic and you can't get back to ground zero again. It isn't only when we have seriously discussions otherwise I would think it is just avoidance. It is random.

   So, what about that question of how do you show support for someone's plans when you know they aren't likely to bear fruit?  It's very important to my husband to feel like I believe in him.  There's all this history for people with ADHD of failure and they feel that constant shame.  I don't want my loved one to feel that way.  I want him to feel good about himself.  But... And yet...  Years and years of promises, of enthusiasms that end before anything comes of them.  And somehow, try as I might, the cost falls on me.  I support us.  I clean up the messes (literally and figuratively).

It is very difficult to communicate with a spouse who can't speak their feelings...What is the reason for this? Is it the absents of the ability to mold words around convictions? Is it fear of commitment to the call on their life TO BE a spouse? Is it the inability to SEE and FEEL what the role of a H or W is?