Recent forum posts (all topics)

So I am at the end of my rope this weekend with DH's inability to recall pretty much ANY conversation we have, either just the two of us or with the kids.  My oldest son turns 18 tomorrow.  He had prom last night, graduates from high school next Sunday.  He is VERY full of himself.  About two months ago, this child started teeing up the "when I turn 18 I can do whatever I want" conversation.  I mostly blew it off with humor--like "yep-good luck with that" type of thing but the more he brought it up, I had enough.  This same child leaves for a gap year in Costa Rica in September.

[Edited to remove reference to needing help being talked off the ledge]:  I decided to do some inside work today and went into the basement, which I avoid because it's so dirty and cluttered.  I found what might be new water damage.  I'm so depressed and upset about the condition of the house, which ex took responsibility for but then neglected.  Yesterday, I was cleaning out the gutters, which he said we shouldn't get replaced when we had the roof redone a few years ago.  They were clogged and my hands smelled like sewage afterward.

For me, traveling with my ADHD husband is truly a panic inducing experience. He has the overfocused type of ADHD. When we travel and he's in an unfamiliar environment, his brain isn't able to take everything in. He only comprehends about 50% of what is going on around him, maybe less.  This causes his judgement and decision making skills to b very impaired. I would say he makes some decisions at a 10 or 12 year old level. To further complicate matters, he insists on being in complete control of our activities and we are at his mercy.

I no longer feel I love my ADHD husband, not for about 6 months now. I feel terribly guilty about it because I know he's now trying to make changes (after telling him I want a separation) but it feels too late for me. He's no longer aggressive, but he is still very defensive and irresponsible and I struggle to find any positivity in our relationship to look back on. 

Has anyone felt this way and made a recovery? I feel so ambivalent about working on my marriage and running as far away as possible. 

The Bible I grew up on had quote after quote about how a woman should "obey" her husband as head of the house. Timothy and Paul especially demanded that a woman "stifle" and "submit" and be quiet because the woman was made "for" the man.  THIS is one of the main reasons I have been weak and do not like myself in my marriage.  I tried so hard to be a good girl and looked to the Bible for direction.

My Husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 10.  I have always known he had ADHD (untreated) but had no clue the damage this was causing our marriage.  Like many others on here, I was feeling ignored, overwhelmed and lonely.  I work full time, and we have 2 young children and I had to take care of everything.  He is an electrician and started doing jobs for people in our community about 2 years ago.  Because of the praise and validation he receives from the people he helps, he became hyperfocused on the side jobs and spent very little time with us, his family.

Except when he couldn't.  Then he didn't want to do it at all.  

This is just a quick update on the progress of the things that have transpired of late, and again, with the same cycle.

So I'm one of those wives who likes to hug and cuddle in the morning as part of connecting with my husband. It's hard for me to just wake up and go on my phone to do stuff or watch a show without quieter time to wake up and connect with him. I've found its what I'm drawn to in the morning because it helps me feel connected and loved, helps me get a sense of our day, get our relationship secure again as it can very up and down and opens me up to more connecting things with him. When he's okay emotionally he has enjoyed these type of mornings as well.

Long story short -- Married 20 years.  Lots of ups and downs.  I knew my wife had ADHD but didn't realize it was contributing to so many of our bad times, making bad things worse.  There were many problems she perceived as real but I now realize that it was a problem with her perception rather than an external situation that could be resolved.  Fighting these imaginary battles squandered our energy, youth, finances, careers, and friendships.