Recent forum posts (all topics)

How do partners get done what unquestionably needs doing, if one or both of them have frequent ODD reactions?

Some expectations, demands or requests that a partner do something are about things that can be skipped.  Definitiely, if it's ODD reaction happening, I choose to let some things go.

I am the spouse of a man with untreated ADHD. There are good times but there have been horrible times when he's told deplorable lies to avoid conflict, and has saddled me for years with the majority of the financial responsibility of our family and has emotionally abused me.

I love him but I'm burnt out from our marriage and I struggle to feel attracted to him. And I just don't feel valued and seen by him.

I have now proven beyond doubt that the problems in my marriage and home are far more than my wife's ADHD. She came from an abusive family and over the last year has radically increased contact with them. The result is that she is now 100% emotionally abusive and conflict seeking in our home.

I need advice from people who have successfully separated and divorced their ADHD spouses. I need to know what to prepare for, what to expect, and how to do this in the least destructive way possible.  For example:

It's a sad day when you realize your reality. I am saddened by the fact that my husband with ADD cannot change his symptoms and they will not go away. I will always have to be the adult. There is no one who has my back. I am the rescuer, the nurturer, the responsible one, the bill payer, the housekeeper, the laundress, the cook, the kitchen cleaner, the bed maker, the flipping everything. I do not get to come home from work and just plop down on the couch and play games on my iPhone and watch TV until bedtime.

H said last night, leaning in conspiracy, to my granddaughters ages 6 and 10, "Look, Gramma has black boobies..hehehe".

So what is a person to do when there is someone who bugs the crap out of you to the point of distraction making you less than you could be?  Before I was married I liked myself and was proud of who I was.  What has changed that I have lost my ability to be a whole, secure, contented entity without resentment?  Why have I permitted myself to be thrown off balance?

My wife and i have been married for 3 years, but have been together for 9 years total. We moved to a different city 9 months ago and had a terrible move. The previous tenants in our house were "moving this weekend" for six weeks. So we ended up sitting in our house with boxes everywhere, with no jobs(and i lost the job that i had lined up bc we couldnt move in time for me to go to training), our kitchen was packed, so we ate a lot of junk food and gained weight, and we burned through all of our savings. We were both extremely depressed and struggled to do anything at all besides sleep.

 

I need everyone's help.  Please forgive me ahead of time for the long post.  This is my first post and I need advice or reassurance.  Not really sure.

Hi All! I am new to the forum and new to being the spouse of a diagnosed ADD partner, though we have known for some time that something was "different" about my dear husband. I have started this post about a dozen times because I want to be respectful of my husband but also give an accurate account of life as it is.

I've learned of codependency. And I see my past patterns in all of these threads. If my life was a football field, I'd always be down at his end of the field - never at my end, and never sharing the 50-yard line. Reading books to help him, modifying my life to handle him, giving up my day to help organize him, recovering from his unexpected 180 of mood and attack-invalidate-stonewall-abandon abuse cycle.