So, I just have to point out I have Aspergers syndrome, and my fiancé has a combination of ADHD and Aspergers. We've been together for 4 years. And I apologize if this post gets EXTREMELY long, but I really feel like I need help here.
Hi all,
I have been married 26 years. My H has not been to a therapist all our marriage. His mother and brothers all have bipolar or an issue. He claims to have ADHD, I feel he is bipolar and definitely has Narcissistic traaits. He has temper, loses jobs, blames the world, etc. everyone knows the story. He won't go get help, he is prideful. EVERYONE sees an issue, those that hate him and those that love him. He is a charmer of women and has groupies since he is a DJ and loves to dance, etc.
I can't believe anything that comes out of H's mouth anymore. And I'm not talking life-altering things, I'm simply talking about him coming up with these great ideas to do something-him, all on his own without a hint from me- to go have fun, and then when the time comes to do them, he has no desire to follow through. I laid in bed and cried last night because I am so tired of these empty promises and knowing when he gets all excited about doing something that I shouldn't get excited because it most likely won’t happen.
I don't know which behaviors to attribute to ADHD and which are "just the way he is". I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, In the spring, he lied to me about smoking pot, and apologized for not being honest with me. I explained that lying hurt me, that I felt as if I weren't worthy of the truth.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. The signs were there. I know when something is off between us. I came over to his place, and there was an apology card/note, along with some flowers.
I found an old post by Melissa Orlov where she said:
""There is not one single diagnostic statement that suggests that anger is one of the symptoms of ADHD. Not one. He needs to go back to his doctor immediately and work this out. Probably some therapy would help as part of that treatment.""
I agree.
We often see posts from people stating that their partners have ADHD and the people provide stories that include lots of anger.
I'm quite new to trying to find answers and help...I. The ADHD spouse, and my wife is a sufferer of Bipolar I. She sees things so clearly, and has no hesitation or indecision
I, however, suffer incessantly from self doubt, paralysis during crisis, and an inability to prioritize. The difference in our personalities is stark, and infuriating, to her.
So I know I posted about the weird changes my husband made a couple of months ago, where suddenly he started following through on his promises for projects on the house and started working out on the elliptical etc. and he started treating me better and telling me he loved me and calling me on his lunch break etc.... I think I understand some of what was going on.
I'm just so frustrated... The last year I was able to get spouse to marriage counseling 4 times with me!!! The other times I went myself. After many arguments I demanded a diagnose. I felt bad but he went. He has Anxiety, I thought ADHD and the Dr. prescribed something to help him relax.. He's a good guy just always non-stop, hyper, in a hurry all the time, doesn't care about what I have to say, it's his way only.. He doesn't understand that marriage is about 2 people not 1....It's really difficult as I'm finding myself 'on edge' most of the time.
Today, I hurt. This month marks the 6th anniversary of my first husbands death, the first anniversary of my mothers death, the 18th anniversary of my first wedding date, and the absolute purge of my current marriage.
(I removed most of this, because I wrote it in the heat of being so upset. I said things that were harsh and that I know are not true about my husband, and I said things out of hurt and anger.)
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