Dealing with conflicts stemming from early relationship habits
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
This idea in Melissa's book I struggle with. I understand the premise and I understand partners are at their individual juncture through co-construction (destruction) of their relationship. But I have a really hard time to accept not to blame the ADHD partner or to not expect that person to make a move. Unless I'm missing something... isnt that why we're in this situation to begin with? I'm mad as hell. As much as I am willing to do whatever. But if it is a one way street... I'm out. Any thoughts on that?
Very briefly, I wanted to state that out of the three books that I read on the topic of ADHD, I found yours most helpful in understanding the effects on marriage. However, I will say that it irritated me considerably that most examples you showed or discussed the husband was the person with ADHD. This is not the situation I live in. I think it would have been helpful to ensure alternating your examples, so that it does not create the impression that this is mostly a male driven problem.
I am currently in a 7 month old relationship with an ADHD man, and I am a non-ADHD women who has very well controlled Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Depression. He is in his early 30s and I am in my mid-to-late 30s.
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For years, my sister, to me, has been so chatty that I hardly get a word in. By the time she takes a breath, we are off topic of what I might have responded to earlier in her monologue. It sometimes makes me edgy. Yet, the other day she said something to me that has me thinking, she said, our older sister is not supporting her in her new widowhood the same way she supported our oldest sister through "entertaining her with talking".
I joined this forum because it was by far the best I have found, with help and support for spouses of adults with ADHD. and as myself and OH have lived together for over 16 years as man and wife, we are married except for that piece of paper - therein lies the problem. I hope you will still accept me on this forum - it helps so much to know that others feel as I do and go through similar experiences.
There are so many things I want to do. So much I would like to explore, but H would rather just sit and play his video game for 8-10 hours a day and drink. Some days he'll come up with all these ideas, like "We need to take a long weekend and go camping". I say "Yes. When and where do you want to go?" He'll say "I don't know, we'll just find some place and go." Well of course that never is spoken of again and if I brought it up he'd be all "why don't we wait a few weeks when there'll be less people" or whatever to not go.
When I hear "soon" I'm thinking 15-20 minutes, but sometimes it could be up to hours! I'm so tired of waiting on my husband. If we have plans to run errands together or go out for the evening, he'll say to me (as he's sitting in front of his computer) "Are you ready to go soon?". To which I reply "I just need to get dressed". I should keep in mind that he is either still in his pajamas playing his video game that he's already been playing for hours or he's still in his work clothes playing his video game. So, silly me, I jump up and get dressed, do my hair and am ready to go in 15 minutes.