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George Vaillant, Harvard psychiatrist, directed a study from 1972 to 2004. He concluded: Love Is Really All That Matters: "It may seem obvious, but that doesn’t make it any less true: Love is key to a happy and fulfilling life. There are two pillars of happiness. One is love, the other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away. A man could have a successful career, money and good physical health, but without supportive, loving relationships, he wouldn't be happy."

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and about six months ago he was diagnosed with ADHD and placed on an Adderall regimen. He's been reluctant to talk about it, so I've only just now gotten around to researching. But now that I'm looking into it I'm finding all kinds of horror stories about partners becoming completely uninterested after marriage ends the "hyperfocus courtship," partners having emotional or sexual affairs when they meet someone new and shiny, or partners ignoring the children.

I am sick of all the random babble and nervous chatter from my H.  Not only is it constant, but often he'll slow his speech to a crawl-pace.  If I get impatient and finish his sentence or guess the question and answer it, he'll get mad and say, "let me talk," or he'll sometimes be dishonest and say, "that's not what I was going to say,"  ( I know when he's being dishonest because he'll twist what he claims that he was going to say into something non-sensical, just so that he can complain that I wrongly finished his sentence or answered his Q before he finished.

I will try to keep this as brief as possible, as I think most of you who have become desperate enough to post personal information about your ADHD spouse on the internet can relate without excessive background information. And in no way do I intend that as an insult. I have come here because I have nowhere else and no one else to go. I am literally considering divorce. I am a very strong Christian woman, so this is almost embarrassing for me to type those words.

I no longer want to figure out the who, why, or what about how my spouse lives/behaves/responds.  I know his brain is ADHD wired.  I know that for a fact as we have a professional/clinical/medical expert diagnosis.  I know for a fact he didn't know about his ADHD until he was well over 50.  I know he has developed many ways of coping with the world - some work well - some do not.

Is there something elso going on? I am abandoing my armchair psychologist position, and letting him figure it out - if he wants to.  

What I fear: He will not want to figure it out.

So yesterday I came home from a work trip, having been gone a week, only to discover that my husband had been texting with an old girlfriend.  These texts were what he calls "harmless flirtations" - but I call establishing a social media relationship with an old flame.  The texts went well beyond minor flirting and into a level of intimacy and of a sexual nature that are totally inappropriate.

Everyone was so helpful here last time I asked a question so I thought I would post again. What is your experience with either the way you, or your partner who has ADHD deals with difficult subjects, or handles arguments? 

My husband and son are currently receiving neurofeedback (NFB) treatments for their ADHD. We live in the boonies and couldn't find a professional NFB trainer within 300 miles so we rented a home machine for $800 a month. Some insurance providers will cover the cost. Renting is actually much cheaper when you consider how many treatments a family can do in one month as opposed to $80+ per treatment from a professional. 

Results?