Recent forum posts (all topics)

I have been the 'child' in this relationship for 40 years!

I'm not going into details but we both seemed happy.

Now I want to build Independence and Autonomy.

My therapist says 'take charge of more things.'

I have made a list of things I can do.

What else should I be thinking about, directing my efforts toward?
 

Not to sure if I should post this in the Communication section?!?!?!?

How in the world do we deal with communication?  My spouse very often INSISTS he told us something - but we, for everything we try, simply do not remember him saying it  - AT ALL.  I do not want to BLAME him - as communication is difficult  without adding ADHD into the mix.  My usual disclaimer will be in effect here - if it were only me, I would look closer at how I miss things all the time.  

I moved out this weekend after over 30 years of marriage, and over five years of arguing about his inability/unwillingness/denial about getting a job. It was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. I know that in spite of the fact that i hope he will be motivated to lift himself out of a very dark place, that may not actually happen. The ecstasy comes from the peace and freedom that i have been craving for so long. If he still resists treatment, I don't think I'll go back, but I truly hope that this acts as a spark. There was definitely co-dependence in the status quo.

I suppose that I just need to accept that my husband is not going to seek any outside advice wrt his ADD.  He has a short temper and tantrums like a baby when he is tired.  For example, tonight he said that he was going to cook dinner.  There was no paprika, which he needed for the dish he wanted to make, so with passive-aggressive tactics he let me know what a failure of a spouse I was and how I couldn't do anything right.  I am home all day while he is working--- not by my choice, longer story there--- and he expects me to do all the things that he doesn't want to do.

Why does my husband do this? My husband is a bit of a know-it-all.  He will go on and on about something for which there really is no reason for him to know that much about the particular hting he is talking about because he's never had much experience with it or anything...I feel like "I don't know" is not part of his vocabulary but it should be a part of everyone's vocabulary! How hard is it to stop and consider "I don't really know the answer to that with certainty" and to respond "I dont know"? It is particularly frustrating when it comes to things that relate to my line of work.

Going to use this thread to note some of the interactions which used to get added to the blur which has been my married life for the past 10 years. These are not sources of angst or any sort of commentary against add or any of the other diagnoses which might be applicable, simply observations by one woman who is trying to be herself in the midst of an atmosphere which makes no sense to me.

I have posted here before, and described something of my journey with what I thought was my partner's ADHD; I have been through thinking there were breakthroughs. I have moved onto other attributions, including the ever relevant 'co-dependence' perspective. What I did not expect to realise is that the truest match of all is NPD/malignant narcissism. It has been a lightbulb moment that makes sense of all else, and makes much better sense of it too.