Recent forum posts (all topics)

Synopsis of situation: I am a widow of 7 years. Significant Other (SO) is a widower of 2.25 years with AD/HD which has never been dx'd or treated. (It slowly dawned on me that this was the case, and has become clearer over time and from discussions with the boys' teachers and caretakers, reading the boys' various medical, school, psychological records - his late wife was aware and it was apparently a much-discussed issue among them).

My husband has had 3 jobs in as many years.  We moved across the country for this last one, got into debt with the move, and he was fired after three months.  I am trying so hard to be supportive.  At least this time I also have a job with benefits, but it does not make anywhere near enough to support our three children.  He is an executive and very good at his job, but his inability to read people and emotional intelligence are really holding him back.  The last boss simply said he "shared too much personal information" and that it made people uncomfortable.

I am still here, still drowning and feel I will die or be on 27 medications for anxiety and depression before anything else happens. It's my opinion that divorce is so common here because it seems to be the only sane option!

I don't know about your DHs, but mine comes up with the "next big thing" several times a week. Of course he doesn't follow through on one thing, ever. This week alone, he's had five big ones and he wants to talk about them for hours. Every one of them requires years of training or schooling,and all of them are completely unrealistic. 

I actually just got done with yet another conversation, this one about becoming an insurance agent. He's been  unemployed for several years and I get that he wants to help support, but why not pick training based on your background (which is IT). 

I have read Delivered from Distraction.  It is a great resource in understanding ADHD.  But, here's the thing.  I just read the chapter about "what kind of mate is best".  The problem is, I have been married for 11 years, and I am not the best mate.  I am having a horrible time accepting my constant give, and getting nothing in return.  I'm a go getter, I micromanage, I feel resentment even when I try not to.

After yet another long winded discussion with my ADHD husband this morning in regards to the break down in communication which leads to divorce/separation talks I wonder what's the point? Why are all the non AD spouses working so hard to make sense of the commitment to stay, in what is mostly a dissatisfying, frustrating, hurtful relationships? I have been married 23 years to a man who has for the most part made my emotional life unhealthy.

The challenge with separating the person from the ADHD symptoms is that the symptoms exaggerate everything. The hyper focusing make things larger then life, make the person larger then life, and make growing as a person extremely slow and laborious. My ADHD partner is born under the astrological sign of Cancer. Canceriams are known for loving the past, which includes their past. I know Cancerians who can balance that and still dwell and engage with their present and future. With my ADHD-partner the symptom of hyper-focusing makes her past the most important thing!

I'm in tears.  We've been together for five years.  We managed through the most difficult time of getting ADHD/Asperger's diagnosed, her denial, slow treatment.  I almost left, twice.  But it got better.  It is better.  But I've also allowed certain things to become my normal.  Like sometimes feeling a low lying sense of aloneness even though she's there.  I know she loves me to the ends of the Earth, but only because I've come to understand how she expresses it.  But how she expresses it doesn't make me feel loved or appreciated.