Recent forum posts (all topics)

Guys, 

I am married to someone who might have ADD, but has never been diagnosed (to my knowledge).  His mother passed away and I suspect that there may have been some psychological assessments early in my husband's life (based on things my mother in law said), but my husband doesn't know what his diagnoses were.  In the meantime, he is not very keen on getting tested for anything and we cannot afford counseling.  I've looked for counseling on a sliding scale in my area, but we cannot make the hours work and my husband doesn't want to go anyway.  

I can't do everything. I feel like I have to do everything. I'm here after years of therapy, trying new tactics, and holding out hope. Maybe typing this all out will help, maybe it won't. I have a young son who is too young to tell if he is affected with ADHD, too, and regardless I have to try. My husband has ADHD and I have not come to realize the full extent of what that means until recently. I am not faultless. I'm here in this situation by my own doings and my own ignorance.

Just recently went through a horrendous time that started out with what would seem as a somewhat inocuous, but hurtful, situation.  Husband, who was diagnosed with ADHD several months ago, sent me an email that included a poem he had decided to write to a young female coworker, who had a miscarriage late in pregnancy.  There's a little more history to this than I present, but nothing previous to this was hugely inappropriate.

When a animal is not loved and cared for, but rather  ignored and left alone, it does not thrive. It may become ill and it may die from inattention and disconnection.   When a person is ignored and taken for granted she can derive some comfort from memories of her youth where love and attention were given to her and she was seen and heard and acknowledged.  But after years of inattention and lack of care and feeling invisible and unappreciated, a person's heart and soul and even physical body are laid to waste and wane just like an unattended puppy.

I have an example of something that happened between my ADHD husband and myself, so I'll tell that story and then ask a question. The last counselor my husband and I went to, told each of us to name 10 things that we LIKE about each other, and explain them. She was trying to help us each see the "good" in each other instead of seeing negative things. So, when we got home, I told my husband the 10 things I really liked about him, and told him why those things were special to me.

Our house is for sale.   I am cleaning, fixing, organizing all around the house inside and out.  And getting things ready for company for the 4th of July.  He said he is going to plant potatoes today.  Our garage and sheds are messy and dirty with mounds of stuff that needs to be thrown out and cleaned out.  He is in the woods pulling out an area of grasses and weeds slowly as though he has nothing else better to do in the world, like he is appreciating each and every plant - making piles and piles of weeds.  He said he is making a place to PLANT A POTATO PATCH!!!!!

Hi, my real name is Tony. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, which was quite a shock because i thought i was at best A'D'D only. It's not easy. Right now i'm also awaiting a diagnosis for possible autism, too, and that feels harder because it feels like I'll become a different person, silly as it sounds. 

Anyway, no need to reply, just introducing myself, and I'll join in with the discussions as soon as I get a minute!

Best wishes, and thanks for having me here.

I'm still in the trenches on some matters because I believe my husband and I should communicate about issues such as our grown daughters and our shared finances.  But I'm so much more independent than I used to be, and I want people to know there is hope for disentangling from a dysfunctional relationship with a spouse or partner who chooses to go untreated.