Recent forum posts (all topics)

privilege of a lifetime is to be yourself."

Viola Davis

I copying this from the weekly newsletter,  because I actually have something really important to say here.  And I also agree with the newsletters author in taking the same position as stated below.

Long after the ADD marriage has dissolved, I think about why it didn’t end sooner. 

It seems common that when people have children, ADHD symptoms and destructive effects suddenly go through the roof. Trust goes. This happened to us.

I believe oxytocin flooding new parents is a heavy reason for these couples not to split up. As is of course the terrifying prospect of not seeing your baby half the time, having to give up the dream of a united family, moving, parenting alone, supporting yourself financially if you didn’t before.

Hi I really need help. My non diagnosed ADHD partner blames me for all the problems in our relationship. I try to explain to him that I get to a burnout stage with him where I can’t handle all the ADHD traits, so I go quiet and try to get myself back to a good place to start again. Unfortunately he doesn’t understand this he thinks am being off with him and putting a wall up. 

My husband and I separated (my instigation) which was then the catalyst for him getting a diagnosis. Learning about how adhd has affected our marriage has brought much grief, pain and understanding. So much damage has been done that I cannot begin to understand how we might even reconcile or, what worries me more, if I even want to start to repair the damage and live together again as husband and wife. When I left, I was at the lowest point of my life, emotionally numb and exhausted. He is now medicated and committed to change. Have any others been in this position and made it work?

I’ve come to an understanding that I have been significantly impacted by my ex’s RSD. I expect to offend all the time, about anything. I’m become quiet and withdrawn and I often apologise or worry if something I said might have hurt anyone, or I preface simple things with please-don’t-take-this-the-wrong-way padding, eg: ‘this is in no way a criticism but does anyone know where the scissors are?’ 

 This morning…

I forgot to set my alarm. 

Miraculously got breakfast and lunch done and hugged the kids goodbye. 

Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support

My husband has had to come off his ADHD meds due to a heart condition.  His cardiologist was adamant.  We've done the research and it is indeed an issue that is fairly common,  but not talked about much. The problem is, as a late diagnosed person,  I've seen the wonderful changes the medication made and it literally saved our marriage.  Now, I know he knows it's a problem,  I know he feels guilty,  but it is incredibly difficult to go back to the way things were.

My partner of many years and the father of our two kids, has recently told me that he is not in love with me anymore. I am reading The ADHD Effect on Marriage and I see so much of that book in our lives and now realise the patterns which have contributed to us being here. But I had no idea at all that he was feeling like this and have been completely blindsided by it. 

Seven years ago I first learned my ADHD partner likely has ADHD.  I found this site and my reading of posts and the blog were immensely helpful to me, though even then I had no concept of the impact we'd experience in our own relationship.  I thought we were on top of it, my partner had insight and was open to treatment, and we'd be okay.  We wouldn't be "that" couple.  We are exactly "that" couple.  We joke that Melissa must have been hiding under our bed and in our closet, and wrote her books about us.