Recent forum posts (all topics)

I came to this site months ago and introduced myself and my relationship with ADD.  My husband and both my children have been diagnosed with ADD.  I've had some health issues and other family members with severe health issues that have kept me away from the board for some time.  As I struggle again and felt the need to come back to get some words of support, encouragement, advice, etc... I just sat here reading (and maybe I just haven't read the right topics yet) and thought WTF!  

I am trying to make out in my own mind, what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I find myself at this point crazily OBSESSED by my husband's distracted attitude and lack of any emotion/action/feeling/responsibility.  What is going on here?  I had the idea that for a marriage to work, each spouse did have to do some compromising and supporting the OTHER.  This has not worked for me.  And as I look back, I try to think, what WOULD have worked?  As it turns out, I think I did the best that could be done by anyone.

I purposely stayed away from this message board for about a week. My husband left, and I read through and contributed to several posts in here trying to understand what's going on.

I've been telling my friends about the situation, what led to all of this, and why I felt ADHD was contributing to my husband's unhappiness in our marriage.  I also explained how there were so many unfair things in our marriage, such as him not looking for a job, me having to be the mommy and keeping him on track, and so on, and how I blamed ADHD.

I am almost three months pregnant and my DH has no shown any interest in me or this pregnancy, unless he wants to have sex that is. I do all the housework, I take care of the dog, I cook (or he doesnt eat) , and I do ALL of the household shopping. He goes to work and comes home to the computer (we have netflix). I was at my breaking point before I found out I was pregnant and thinking of separation. The unexpected pregnancy has thrown a wrench in my "get away". Im so unhappy with him, and our relationship. He just recently started taking non-stimulant medication for his ADHD.

I go in and out of deep mourning for the loss of my marriage.  I'm not divorced; my husband is not dead; but the combination of ADHD, depression, and perhaps a personality disorder have affected him so much that I believe that our relationship is not one of mutually supportive partners and that it never will be.   I realize that it would probably help if we were divorced, but right now, that is not yet a possibility.

I keep doing the wrong things.

Over the years dh has talked a lot about "unconditional love" as though it is the holy grail for all relationships.  Me, always one to try to see "all sides" to every coin, tried to accomadate this notion toward my own "growth" and liberal perspective. He would treat me like I was invisible, do and say hurtful things and then at night say to me, "A good marriage means to never go to bed angry." In other words, it was up to me to do all the work of forgiving him for his lack of love and then forget, forgive and love him - I did that....stuffing how it really made me feel.

I am trying to look at myself for answers about why I find myself in this marriage and why I stay when clearly it is so difficult.  I was taught about love in church.  The model of love was sacrifice.  If you sacrificed your life and your needs to someone else, it was considered LOVE.  I was of the age when MY marriage vows had the words in it of "promise to obey" and his words had "promise to love". My parents taught me to obey and behave and have manners.  In school years I was many times on various teams - sport teams, work committees - working for a common cause.

I feel like I'm on here every other day with some new horrible development, but my adhd partner just shoved me hard out of our bathroom.  The door was open and he was in there getting ready to take a shower.  I had cut my finger so I walked in to get something to put on it and I've been in the bathroom when he's in there all the time so you can imagine my shock when he started yelling at me to get out.  I was so stunned actually that I guess I didn't move fast enough for him because he then proceeded to shove me out the door physically!  I am in such a state of shock right now, but the wors