Recent forum posts (all topics)

I go in and out of deep mourning for the loss of my marriage.  I'm not divorced; my husband is not dead; but the combination of ADHD, depression, and perhaps a personality disorder have affected him so much that I believe that our relationship is not one of mutually supportive partners and that it never will be.   I realize that it would probably help if we were divorced, but right now, that is not yet a possibility.

I keep doing the wrong things.

Over the years dh has talked a lot about "unconditional love" as though it is the holy grail for all relationships.  Me, always one to try to see "all sides" to every coin, tried to accomadate this notion toward my own "growth" and liberal perspective. He would treat me like I was invisible, do and say hurtful things and then at night say to me, "A good marriage means to never go to bed angry." In other words, it was up to me to do all the work of forgiving him for his lack of love and then forget, forgive and love him - I did that....stuffing how it really made me feel.

I am trying to look at myself for answers about why I find myself in this marriage and why I stay when clearly it is so difficult.  I was taught about love in church.  The model of love was sacrifice.  If you sacrificed your life and your needs to someone else, it was considered LOVE.  I was of the age when MY marriage vows had the words in it of "promise to obey" and his words had "promise to love". My parents taught me to obey and behave and have manners.  In school years I was many times on various teams - sport teams, work committees - working for a common cause.

I feel like I'm on here every other day with some new horrible development, but my adhd partner just shoved me hard out of our bathroom.  The door was open and he was in there getting ready to take a shower.  I had cut my finger so I walked in to get something to put on it and I've been in the bathroom when he's in there all the time so you can imagine my shock when he started yelling at me to get out.  I was so stunned actually that I guess I didn't move fast enough for him because he then proceeded to shove me out the door physically!  I am in such a state of shock right now, but the wors

My sweet husband has ADHD and I am finally realizing how much I don’t know about it and NEED to know about it. I love him very much and want to be supportive and I'm 100% for our marriage... So I’m studying everything like a hawk, especially Melissa’s book.

So,I decided that after the holidays it would be a new start for me where I would find my sanity and end my marriage.Wrong! I am soo mad right now because even if I want to walk away right now it's just so hard for me and I am so overwhelmed by all this drama.The breaking of the new year was my turning point to move on with my life and start over fresh and find back my happiness that was taken from me two plus years now.

I'm starting to suspect, although I could be entirely wrong here, that my partner might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder issues to the extreme.  I always assumed that the reason he always seemed to behave the opposite of how I needed him to was because we were just a bad fit and that his ADHD caused him to be very self-focused so my needs were ignored.  I even mentioned in one post how it seemed that our basic needs always seemed to be in direct conflict so that one of us (actually just me every time) would have to jeopardize something intrinsically important to them to allow the other to

Well I will start off by saying I don't have a specific question rather sharing my own experience and insight if for no other reason then I feel the need to journal :)

So bit of history:

• Have been diagnosed with ADHD, Asperger and Dysthymia
• Currently separated from spouse but we're dating again and that's been fantastic
• Attending regular counseling
• Was taking Pristiq and Strattera

So the story begins: